A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don’t know how to tell my partner that I am feeling really low. I have always been prone to depression now and again, but I have been struggling with an extremely heavy workload which my boss didn’t appreciate until it was too late. I had what is called an ‘unexplained blackout’ It was then found that I have anaemia and have been trying to get over 2 virus’s which I have had in very quick succession. I am having investigations for coeliac disease. I feel utterly exhausted and fearful of losing my job as I have been off work for nearly 3 weeks now. Friends have noticed that I have lost my bubliness and I am desparate to get my vitality back. I have wondered if I could have ME. I am under the care of my doctor who so far has found nothing to cause such symptoms, so I feel like I am losing the plot because there seems to be no medical reason to explain why I should be feeling so weak and exhausted.My partner never has a day off sick and works extremely hard, and has dropped some of his friends because he thinks they are ‘wasters’ because they don’t work (although I have always believed that I have worked too hard thus burning myself out). I am worried that if I tell him about what I am going through, he will gradually lose patience with me because most of my symptoms are unseen. I manage to go out socially now and again to try to relax but I cannot cope with the workload that I had before so haven’t yet been back to work and think I would end up back at square one healthwise (I think people will be saying how come I can manage to go out socially and yet not be able to go to work). Yet I am telling everyone I am o.k, even though I feel really poorly. My concern is that my partner and his family will just think I am a hypochondriac (because I have had no definitive diagnosis of illness) and work shy which is not true at all. I am also concerned that I would be a burden on my partner.With no definitive diagnosis I cannot go about getting treated which is getting me down as well. I had psyched myself up and put pressure on myself to get back to work today after having told everyone I was ok (which I am not) but I felt so poorly again this morning that I did not go. I have made an appointment with the drs but I don’t think he knows what to do anymore. I don’t know what to say to my boyfriend when he asks why I didn’t go to work. Please help me - I feel like my life is crumbling around me.
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female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (2 January 2008):
 Hi there...
I am not a doctor nor a clinical psychologist, but you could be facing a psych illness rather than a physical one. Have you been to a therapist? Depression can cause physical ailments as the ones you describe. Treating depression includes medications and therapy to help you get through these difficult times. I have also heard of some difficult ailments to diagnose as fibromialgia and thyroid difficulties.
Whatever it is, you need to have an honest and heartfelt conversation with your partner. He needs to know how you feel and how difficult it has been for you to "keep it together" lately, and also, steps you are taking to try and have a normal lifestyle again. Let him know you don't want to feel this way but you can't help it. Try to give him some examples and try to work with him towards recovery. The most important thing is, I think, you communicate your problem and also what you are doing to improve. If this job is giving you such a hard time, try and explore other options for work. In the mean time, go back and do your best, visit a therapist and consider what steps to take to move forward!
Best of lucks!
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