A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a difficult situation so please bear with me and read it all.My partner and I have been together 4 years, we have gone through alot together, his mum passed away and we took on her home/debts/ money etc.We have only just started to get Our lives back on track, he has 20 grand debt from his life before he met me and I'm doing well financially so we are trying to pay these off together.However he has asked his aunty to move in with us in our two bed home in so he can rent out her own home as an income and due to the fact she is lonely /cold and also in debt and jobless. So we are also now paying HER debts.....However she hasn't even moved in and I'm already fed up. She's already changing my home, she's bringing her two cats which are a nightmare(I already have a cat and a rabbit) and ruin everything and I'm worried about my future. I planned to stay here for good and have a child(school opposite my house, good transport connections, docs and dentist nearby and a crime free location, park opposite my home) , but now I can't as there is no spare room .. So we will have to move away somewhere new and shes already chosen where! We can't afford to move if I did get pregnant and my partner isn't getting any younger and will want children soon....he also wants to get married along with all this.....I'm not having kids or marrying so long as she is here, or until we are financially stable ,how can we try for a baby, we have no time to ourselves lol! I feel a bit lost to be honest. All I want to do is get out of the house an I've considered leaving him I don't see us working when she moves in as everything is clashing already... I'm losing my feelings for him slowly , he never asks for my input!!! Would I be happier with someone else.. I find myself flirting more with guys from work and I feel awful but he just never gives me any affection anymore its just all about the house move.....We will never get private time, I will never have time to sit and think about things as she's always talking and money will be tight even if he thinks he will earn from the other house because of all these damn debts. I wanted us to have a little family just us together , now I cannot I'm wondering what the point of my relationship will be.....At the moment I cannot stand to be around them. The home I've worked hard for to get and build up is slowly becoming a shambles..I always had the image that a couple had their own space and home together to have a family and even not just have fun .. It's not mine and his life anymore its all three of us now...I won't be able to be myself around his aunty and I'm still not used to her....Is this a selfish attitude to have? How do I tell him nicely before its too late? .....how would you handle this situation? ? I just don't know how long I can put up with it til I snap .
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 March 2013):
 Selfish attitude, are you kidding ?
You are young and you have to build your own future. You should not be paying ANY MAN 's debts, ideally. At the very least least, you should not be paying the debt of any man to whom you are not legally married and firmly committed to live with forever. As for paying the Aunty's debts...come on, tell me this is a joke. Tell me that you did never consider sactifyng your comfort, privacy, convenience, independience etc. to enable a bf and his AUNT to mooch off you.
You have to get out of this mess BEFORE it gets real ugly, tell him nicely, tell him not nicely , but do tell him, put your foot down , and make clear that this is not going to happen. If he does not see your point and breaks up with you , celebrate ! It would mean HE is selfish and self-interested . Frankly he sounds like a lot of trouble , and a lot of baggage, and a potential user, and I think you should have already severed your ties with him, but- love is blind , I know. Only, also the live in Aunt-in-law is the cherry on top of the cake and a cherry that even the blindest lover would find too indigestible.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2013): Move out and let him live with his aunty and his debt. You are in too deep, and allowing yourself to be used to support this guy and his indigent aunt. You have no obligation to fiancially support him or anyone else.
Your head is telling you what your heart won't. You should not stay in this situation, and add children to a debt-ridden crowded household. Forget about marriage until HE pays off his own bills. I suggest that you stop paying his bills at once! STOP IT!!!
Find your own happiness. GET OUT AND MOVE ON. You will be dragged under, miserable, AND BROKE!!!
I'm sure you've been told this by your family and friends.
Listen to them, and what your common sense is already telling you!
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