A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I left my abusive, adulterous husband 4 months ago.Emotionally, I divorced him years ago, but he stole every penny I made to keep me trapped. It took a long time to get away. I have been struggling to get back on my feet since I left, but the past month I completely cut my [soon to be ex-husband] out of my life and I have finally felt ready to move on to the next chapter. I live abroad and have been lonely these 4 months by myself because all of my friends have moved away. After many failed attempts to make friends through internet platforms, as if sent by god, 2 weeks ago I had a chance encounter with someone who is quickly becoming a great friend and source of support. The problem is, he's a man. We've hung out several times over the past 2 weeks and he's the first person I've met since high school that I can spend hours on end talking with and feel completely comfortable doing so. The last time we were together, though, I felt very strongly that he is developing feelings for me by the way he looked at me and found any excuse for physical contact. I like him too, and found myself enjoying the caresses, but I am overwhelmed by guilt. I haven't told him that I'm in the middle of a divorce yet because it didn't seem like the kind of topic to bring up with someone you've known for such a short period of time....but yesterday he did ask during the flow of conversation if I ever wanted to get married. I choked a bit at the question but I just said I'm a go-with-the-flow person and I'd have to see how my life goes. It wasn't a lie exactly but it still felt wrong. I'm going back to America in a little over a month, and he knows this, so he knows I'm not looking to start a serious relationship, but it seems that both of us wouldn't mind being a little more than friends.... I know that before things go any farther, the right thing to do is to tell him about my divorce, but I am terrified he will never speak to me again if he finds out and I don't know if I could handle losing his friendship. TLDR; How do you tell a friend who has a crush on you that you like them too, but you're in the middle of a divorce and not looking for anything serious without scaring them away?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 August 2016):
 I honestly don't think it would make him angry, maybe you are thinking like this because your ex husband was abusive. But he does deserve to know the truth if you are both thinking of becoming more than friends. Just tell him that it is hard for you to talk about as your husband was abusive. If he is a friend he won't judge you.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (28 August 2016):
 It may scare him away, it may not. You said the right thing to do is to tell him so just go ahead and do that.
Next time you're hanging out just say something along the lines of 'look, I have something to tell you.......' And mention that you were looking for the right time to mention it but it was a hard topic to bring up. At least you're coming clean and being honest with him.
I can't really see a way it would be justified for him to be angry about it, I mean like you said, it's not an easy thing to bring up is it ?
If you think you'll feel better by telling him, then just do it the next time you hang out.
Good luck
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