A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I need help big time. Basically, me and this girl met on vaction, but only for 6 hours, we then exchanged numbers. And call and text every single day. Have been doing so for 5 months, and have met up 3 times since then. But she lives 4 hours away. We meet up halfway. we are both 22 and are in love big time, but only discovered we are in love recently. But it wont work, due to distance, I cnt travel to her, and even though I love her, she is too far away, We are like romeo and Juliet, we can no way let parents kno, plus we dont even know each other well really, only met 3 times, but it feels right. Anyway, I told her, we gotta be real, we cant marry each other, cuz it wont work distance, dnt know each other well and cnt due to distance, plus we may be so different, in terms of parents being different. I work and study, so does she, so hard to meet. We decided to meet other people. But then it was so hard to take and understand, she was literally crying inside. so i decided to meet her up. We met and got intimate, no sex! but how do i know say we gotta look for other people, its so hard. I told her id rather be a good best friend, than a poor bf, who cnt even meet her. But she is so set that im the best and the one. How do i put it nicely that we gotta meet other ppl, she is gna be hurt and cry, so how do i put it nicely so she understands?
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female
reader, strawberries23  +, writes (7 November 2010):
I am on your same boat. However, I met my boyfriend online. I met him when I was 21 now I am 24. We are still together, also the distance exactly 4 hours. What can I tell you…it’s been hard! We’ve doubted it every moment yet 3 years later we are still together. I am not going to lie its been the hardest thing I have ever done. He’s cheated on me and I emotionally cheated on him too. I’ve dated other guys but never got physical but he has. We’ve talked about moving in together and getting married, yet still we face crisis after crisis after crisis. I would get out of this early, now when you still can. She is probably going to cry but in time she is going to be better. I only wish my boyfriend had let me go when I wanted to run away. However, he insisted and insisted, and as you know us girls tend to live by our heart not mind (well most of us). I still don’t know what is going to happen to us.
I stayed with him all throughout college. Now, I feel like we can have a life together. Yet, the cheating on his part is what really is hurting us. Long distance relationships are like living in a dream. You never get to see the bad you only know of it. All you dwell is on a cloud of yearning.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): Have you ever wondered how much you feel for her? I'm very doubting when you say you're in love with her.
I'm sorry if what i'm going to say is quite rude that you don't really fall for her at all. You've mentioned about the differences and the distance and convinced that this relationship obviously won't work. Once people fall in love, they go for it even if it's just a little moment together, they'd find a way to work it out. Not standing in the middle of the path and say no. One thing you should know about women. When they love someone, they want nothing but a man who knows how to stand strong and knows how to fight for both.
Once you said, she cried and got hurt inside, i'm quite certain that she falls for you. When you're already sure that you don't wanna be with her but meeting other people, then make it clear, stop getting in her life intimately and say we should be just friends. She'll be okay soon.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): Help her see that its not working. If you both agree it will be for the best. You both will have a hard time but it will be easier for the breakee to get over than if they think it was a even choice to break up. Words of the wise. Depends how much you want to hurt her. If a clean break isn't possible even if you've suggested it than you need to do what the previous person said. Just break it but try to come out together on it. It will make her heart feel better. Also the chances of her doing a LDR again basiclly go to nill if its not a clean cut.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (3 November 2010):
 Sounds as if its very difficult.
I going to assume that its not the distance, per se, so much as your backgrounds may be totally different. After all, you say you cannot tell your parents because they are different. Possibly her parents are of another racial background and religion to yours, and this would mean they would be opposed to you getting together.
If you are convinced this will not work - though evidently she does not share that conviction - the best thing would be to make a complete break.
Think about it: she wasn't in your life, and you weren't in hers before your vacation, and you were fairly settled in your lives then, which means you'll learn to live without one another after it has ended.
As things stand, there is no way she won't be hurt at the thought of ending it. Just be firm, but kind........not easy, I know.
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