A
female
age
36-40,
*ubbletea
writes:Hello everyone ;)Hello i have long distance love affair. He lives in iceland and i live in the uk. Were been 5 years known each other he came here back and forth just to see me and then now Recently i visited there and got married. We decided to get married because i know hes the one! All of the efforts that he have done for me. And recently weve been aruguing a lot. Because of his work his busy schedule comming home late and late skyping talking to me. Which is sometime i understand him! His workinh so hard because were planning to get married again in uk for church wedding. So his been saving a lot of money and working so hard. Just i have to tell myself that what can i do ? I have to understand him, that even sometimes ive come to think maybe his doing something bad or he has another girl?! Just wondering or thoughts like thatThen one time ive gone to his emails cause i know his passwords in facebook and even his emails. And found that until now his communicating with his tenant is a single mother taht they used to hang out before. Before he said that they used to hang out talk, chatting which i read theyre conversation. Nothing romance on the conversation. But its too long of conversation.and i read too that he calls her. And then i confront him asking him why does he have to talk to her like that or being friendly at all. He said he was just being polite, cause he cant say in his emails that hey you have to pay the rent. So he was saying that his just being nice. And then one time ive read her emails she inviting him in his sons soccer games. And i asked him about it, and he said he just feel bad about the kids because they doesnt have a father. Thats why hes just being nice with them. I told my husband he should kick his tenants out once we move in. But i know in right time once were together already. He even said to me. Why am i worried about? Because he married me already. He just didnt get my point that im not comfortable that they were chatting and with super long messages. He doesnt have to act like his the father of that kids. And act like his nice to him. Im not just comfortable with that, the mear fact before they used to hang out. An i have the right to know whats happening cause im his wife. Please aunty i dont know whats happening to me lately why am i so worried about? Is this a problem? Or am i just over reacting that his cheating on me on based on what he was doing.I need your advise. What should i tell him. So he could know his limitations and stop being so nice to that girl.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 October 2014):
 I'm sorry, are you saying you are upset because your new husband has been being kind to his tenant and her child? You wish him to stop being so nice?
But you married him because you knew he was the one. So you accepted him as he is, then you began reading his emails, deciding you don't like something about the way he chooses to live his life and now you want to decide who he can and can't communicate with? And be nice to?
Are you aware that you sound like a controlling and insecure person? Why would you marry a man you didn't know well enough to know he spends time with friends and helps be a male role model for a child without a father?
You don't trust him, is the bottom line. And that needs to be sorted out first. Not by making him end friendships and mentoring roles. But by honest communication and possibly couples counseling.
If you think he's cheating on you before you even live together, then this marriage is off on the wrong foot.
When were you planning to live together?
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