A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with my husbands brother and now my husband wants to be a woman. We have decided upon divorce as i do not want to be with a woman and he once transitioned will want to be with a man. This is apparently somthing hes supressed for 11 of 12 years of our relationship, at 1 year swearing it was just a phase and he wanted to marry me. His brother and i fell in love over a year ago and we want to carry out a relationship he is 20 i am 30..Can i get your thoughts i know im a messed up person for falling in love with his brother but as much as i tried and tried to fight it...its real...so now that im getting divorced and my hubby is going to be a woman...are we even married? I dont mean to make light of it but i just dont know what to do i will have to live with my husband for another year for financial and health reasons..What the heck do i do...anyone wanna write this book cause there are some wild details lol but seriously how do i tell my husband i have hurt him like this...but now its over anyway but we want to remain friends forever...im so troubled over all of this...comment, advise but please dont judge or criticize i already got enough negativity
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): Sorry to disappoint you but I can see you few years, at most!, from now heartbroken and regretting the time you have wasted on this family and on top of that on his brother! How can you trust a 20 years old guy while you are 30? I would not do that if I was in your position. Usually 20 is not a stable age for a guy to make a dissection I am not saying everybody is like that in this age but most of them are, just take a look around you will see how many times they engage in a relationship and then breakup until they become mature enough to settle down, there is huge chance that he leaves you after a while unless you don’t mind about that, if this is the case so go for it but if you are looking for a stable relationship probably this guy is not the one. It sounds harsh but unfortunately it is a reality and I don’t want to mislead you by fake hopes! Move on and do not make a trouble for yourself, you will find a right guy.
A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (2 July 2011):
My take on this is divorce. Once divorce is finalized then healed. Spend time being single getting to know you and enjoy that time. I believe your feelings for his brother is infatuation. It will somewhat subside. Since the age is so great and he is yet so young its hard to say what he wants. Trust me, if this dude is going to a university or around other ladies he's gonna definitely want them too. I would say leave him alone. In your eyes he should be a baby. I'm 26 and most certainly wouldn't be caught friends with someone that young. Be careful with this bc u can tare two brothers or brothers and sisters apart. Best advice, heal and take in and accept what happen to your marriage, forgive him and take yourself out. Spoil you, and make friends. Best wishes
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (2 July 2011):
 First of all, there are a number of issues regarding whether you are still in a marriage once he gets a sex change.
Because it is illegal in most states to have a same-sex marriage, if he changes his status to "female" then your marriage will legally no longer be acknowledged unless you are in a state that recognizes same-sex marriage. However, I don't think that any law-enforcement entity will suddenly get involved because your husband got a sex change.
It goes without saying that you can cite irreconcilable differences as a cause for divorce.
The decision to get a sex change is very much an individual experience, and what I mean by that is that the person who makes that decision does so knowing that their partner will probably not want to be with them anymore, that they themselves will likely want to now be with someone of the same sex as they formerly were, and that virtually every dynamic of their marriage or relationship will be permanently altered along with their body.
He made this decision knowing that it would be forcing you to endure MAJOR changes as well. He had to know that you may very well no longer want to be with him. He seems resigned to that fact, based on some things that you said.
I can imagine that during this process you were having to look elsewhere for comfort and a sympathetic ear? This resulted in a relationship developing between you and his brother. It will of course not be easy for him to learn of this, and add to an already tumultuous situation.
What is the relationship like between him and his brother? Is his brother understanding of his relationship? Any time I have read or heard of someone who decides to get a sex change there is almost always a major rift between that person and his/her family. I would guess that his family is less than supportive? Just be aware that if he and his brother already have a bad relationship then this will probably do irreparable damage.
If I were in this situation, and by that I mean if my brother started a relationship with my estranged wife, I would feel completely betrayed by both of you. There really is no way around that. At the same time, your husband is surely aware that he will probably no longer want to be married to you, especially if you are not wanting any part of his decision to have a sex-change. And he may even be hoping that you find a way to move on, that you find someone else. He should still want you to at least be happy, right?
If possible, it would probably be best that you not reveal your relationship with his brother until later. Ideally, you would wait until after the two of you have separated. Then, you could spend some time with his brother and see how he responds.
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