A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:i am going to stay a virgin until im married but my friends say i have to have sex or i'm a lame.how do i tell my friends it's not right without becoming a lame? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): On option is to tell them straight up using clear, direct, "I" centered language:
this is about me, and how I feel (try not to use the word believe, imo). You can do what you want to or feel like, I'm not judging you. But I need you guys to at least respect my feelings on the matter.
Another option is to simply be more alpha male than they are. Then no one questions you about what you do. No short advice on this one . . .
A
male
reader, GMWolfman  +, writes (29 March 2009):
I admire your values yesh i do not think the same way (the shame) but you will like other people have said be happier as you will have someone you truely love rather than someone who you think you love, there is a difference but i cannot put my finger as to what it is, i think listening to frineds is a complete waste of time, they get all jealous etc...
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): There's no way for you to say you intend to "save yourself" without them feeling like they're being judged or threatened or something. It's the nature of the beast whether you intend to make them feel that way or not.
You should just try to minimize this part as best you can. Try to paint what you are doing as a personal choice and not as a moral mandate for everyone else. You may really feel that it should be a moral mandate, but you should still try not to make them feel like you look down upon them for it.
Think of it this way: You won't get sinners to consider your religion's teachings if you chase them off for being sinful whenever they show up at the church door.
...............................
A
female
reader, loving arms +, writes (28 March 2009):
Good for you. You are not lame but your friends are because they are just saying stuff because they think its 'cool' to be so stupid. I would love any child of mine to have the self respect for themselves that you obviously have. Be proud of yourself darling you are fantastic x
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): You're very young -- you're right -- this shouldn;t be on your radar. And you don;t have discuss your choices with your friends. Change the subject or put the focus on someone else.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): Your friends are going with the flow, and are intimidated by someone who has the guts to stand up for themselves. You are absolutely doing the smart thing. The ones who call you 'lame' don't sound like very good friends.
...............................
A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (28 March 2009):
 I admire you, and I wish I had yor attitude when I was your age! your friends will understand when they are older!! But for now just try saying that you are saving yourself for someone special because you respect your body! Giving someone your body is a very special gift and so you shouldt just jump into bed with someone!! You have such a grown up attitude! I had sex when I was 16 and I wish I hadn't of done it, I met my boyfriend later on that year and I wish I would have waited for him (it was only 7months after I had sex) my boyfriend and I have been together for just over 2years now and we have spoke about marriage and children! I just wish I would have saved myself for him! X
...............................
A
female
reader, iSmil3y +, writes (28 March 2009):
You don't have to prove it to your friends. Don't listen to them! Honestly, It's better to wait until you're married because you'll be with someone you really love and you won't regret it. If you have sex now, you'll most likely regret it when you're older. Just tell your friends it's your life, your business and your virginity is something you can't get back once it's gone.
...............................
|
