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How do I tell my family that I'm a lesbian?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 September 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 17 November 2012)
A female United States age 26-29, *lue_Angel_Eyes writes:

I'm a 17, going on 18, year old female... I come from a pretty tight knit family. I am currently living with my oldest sister in North Texas. Me and my sister both are from southern Texas. I've had a total of 2 boyfriends in my life, never really seemed to have much interest in guys, much less dating them. I realized that I was attracted to females about 7 months ago, but hadn't acted on it until about 2 weeks ago.

I met a girl through a mutual friend, and we instantly hit it off, romantically. She is a wonderfully caring and honest female. I am incredibly attracted to her. I think she is amazing in almost every way.

My parents have absolutely no idea that I am currently in a relationship with a female. although, my sisters, my brother, and a few close friends are aware of my romantic choices. they have all been very accepting and understanding of my lifestyle.

on the other hand, i am in absolute fear of telling my mother and grandmother about me being gay. im not sure on how to tell them, im really skeptical of how theyre going to react to this. im worried that theyll be dissapointed in me, and not accept me for who i am.

just needing some advice on how to break the news as gently as i can, without hurting them, or me in the process. what do you think is the easiest way to go about this? to where nobody gets hurt, and i am able to be accepted as a lesbian? HELP PLEASE! I'm going crazy here just thinking about all of the possibilities that could come out of me telling them the truth about who I am. Will they accept me with open arms? Or will they turn the other cheek? Will they try to talk me out of it? Tell me it's just a phase? What to do, what to do?!?!? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks Y'all!!

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A male reader, CEP United States +, writes (17 November 2012):

CEP agony auntAs a 20 year old Christian male, I've grown to appreciate how other people feel, I'm not going to give you the cliqued christian crap, I think that you should just tell your parents first, that's your number one priority. Don't worry about other parts of the family, just your parents for now. Tell them how you feel and why you feel that way, for whatever the reason. You need to tell them. Maybe even ask one of your sisters or even your brother to sit down with you and your parents for support. If your brother and sisters understand and accept you for you, then ask them for support and comfort, everything will turn out okay, I promise, you're still part of the family.

My eldest brother is gay, he's also my half brother, and growing up he was my role model, but since he and I had two different fathers, there was always tension, I wanted to be like him and I wanted to hang out with him, I am not gay and I'm a republican, and I do not care that he's gay, I just want to know my brother, i want to spend time with him, I still consider him my brother.

So just tell your parents, sure it might take them a while for them to get used to it, but you're their daughter and they'll always love you

Blessings, and stay safe!

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (26 September 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntMy brother is gay. we are much older than you so it was odd in the 70s to be coming out...

he knew when he was around 13 and told me then..

he told mom when he was 16

dad was told later on and it took him some time but now he loves my brother and his husband.

my grandparents... they were never told... and they lived into their 90s...

would you announce you are losing your virginity now? no... it's private.

so I suggest you keep it private until it comes up...

so every time they asked him "WHEN are you getting married?"

(there was no such thing as "gay" marriage then)

he would say "when I meet the right girl" which of course was not going to happen ever but they didn't need to know that.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012):

Hey I so get where your coming from, here a little story hope it helps.

I have also been pretty close to my brother inlaw and I since I was 17teen when I started dating his brother. I knew my brother inlaw was gay from a young age, the way his mannerism were, the way he spoke and just little things.. His mother on the other hand did not have a clue and when my brother inlaw grew into a man and at 21 started a relationship with another male he did not know how to tell her. So at first he lied and told her they were flat sharing.. He like you didn't want her to be disappointed in him.

One day he rung me and he told me he was in love, and I was pleased for him and teased him on who could it be.. He said he want telling as I'd be shocked.. I said I wouldn't . He said yes you will be.. I asked had I met the person and he said yes.. At that I knew he was talking about his flat mate as that was the only person we had met.. And he was male. During the convo he asked me would I hint to his mum for him, and that is what I did.

And that let her digest the information before he told her that he was gay.

Couldn't one of your siblings do the same, hint that they think you are and there total cool with it.. I have two girls and one boy and if they loved someone the same sex, opposite sex , whatever as long as they are good for each other, care about each other, that is for me as a mother would count..

And I bet if you let them for your parents too.

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A female reader, Plumb United States +, writes (26 September 2012):

Plumb agony auntThis situation is difficult for alot of people, my suggestion for coming out is to not rush into anything. Talk to yourself about how the conversation will go or how you will answer the questions they ask you if they ask, people are different so you never know how they will react. Im lesbian as well, I've come out to everyone but my parents. So I know how you feel, if you are unsure about them accepting you then I'd probably mention something about lesbians or a topic of gay marriage and just see what they have to say about it, an if they show a sign of not approving it then I'd wait. . I wish I could advise you better on this. Good luck:3

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