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male
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anonymous
writes: Hello, please any ones help and advice will be greatly appreciated. I have a huge problem and a severely broken heart. How do I tell my parents and family that I am gay, when Nobody suspects a thing -and I know that for a fact - and they are antigay? I'm involved in a relationship that no one knows about, and I stand losing the person that I love most because I am terrified of being cast away by my family. My partner responded by saying that I clearly find my family and their opinion very important, and in a moment of pure heartbreak he said, that it's best if we remain friends and go our separate ways and I find a nice girl to please my family.I cannot approach my parents; they are totally against this issue. Even when we see gay people they have a look of disgust, and are disgusted with the thoughts of homosexuality. I love him so much, and I'm in such pain since this happened, I cannot approach my parents and I know that they'll be disappointed. I've considered telling my sister, coz I think she'll be more understanding and she won't judge me for being this way. I don't know what to do. I can't even smile and I know that my boyfriend is in pain, he is in another city, and I want him so badly. But every time we go out we have to lie to our families. We can't take anymore lies, he said it feels like a dirty secret. I love him so much, I do not know what to do. He keeps on saying that I'm young, and that I have so much to experience and I have no one to compare our relationship to, as this is my first relationship. I know that I'm only happy with him, but he won't listen. I'm in pain and I do not know what to do! please help!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2005): If you are certain that you are gay and that you want to have more relationships with other men, you should tell your sister first. Then, ask for her advice on how to break it to your parents, because she knows you all better than anyone on the internet.
A
female
reader, iggyzap +, writes (1 December 2005):
if you are sure you are gay (which it sounds like you are) then there is no sense keeping it a secret. it will be hard to tell the ones you love but i would start with your sister since you think she would be more understanding then hopefully she can be your rock when you tell your parents. now as for this guy you love. i dont know how long you have been together but for your part you cant help who you love and even though its your first relationship you know how you feel.but on the other hand he doesnt seem to return your love. i feel he should be more understanding of your situation since im sure hes been there too and even though its hard on him and im sure aggravating having to lie and sneak around but love is supposed to be for better or worse and he should comfort you and help you sort out your feelings weighing the pros and cons so to speak instead he sounds like he is rushing you to do probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do. even if you dont stay together( and there are plenty of fish in the sea) its best to get it out in the open so you can live your life and not waste it pretending to be someone your not. i hope this makes sense and i hope it helps you. good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): Dont. One, your parents have spent the time since before you were born dreaming of a future for you. This wasnt it. Dont go crushing them.And I say this because the guy is getting ready to dump you anyway. This is really classic: "He keeps on saying that I'm young, and that I have so much to experience and I have no one to compare our relationship to"This is how it goes.Dont bring it up and have a good holiday,Sorry.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): So how young are you? Really, if you are still living at home, and can't support yourself, it is a little bit early in your life to be talking about declaring you are gay to anyone, much less your family. It is a tough world out their for gays, and you know that. Wait until you are on your own, so that if they do reject you, you don't have to deal with both the problem of being rejected by your family, and having no place to go and no way to support yourself. And, please get it out of your head that family and friends don't know you are gay. I am willing to bet your sister already knows. You don't have to wear a neon sign on your forehead for other people to know that you are gay. How you act around and towards women and men is the " tell ", for those who look, and truly observe. Most heteros don't see, but some of us do. I have gay friends who are amused at my ability to spot closet gays and lesbians, both live, and on the TV or in movies. And, I haven't been wrong in years.
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A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (14 November 2005):
 This is a tricky one but for the sake of your wellbeing i think it would be best if you tell your sister first as she would seem more understanding and it would break the ice.Yes your parents will be shocked and saddened but once its all out in the open you can then move on.At the moment your stuck in limbo and thats no good.If your parents dont except that you are gay and its causing family friction then it might be a good idea to plan somewhere else to live.At the end of the day,its your life and your parents cannot dictate to you on how you should live.Remember,you couldnt keep that a secret for ever,they would of found out in the end.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2005): I thibk that you should just come out with it and tell them and hopefully they will be there for you and not push u away its best that way then not saying any thing
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