A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I’m a bisexual woman and I need advice on coming out to a guy I’ve been dating for a couple of weeks. I’d like to know if any other bisexual people have advice on how to do it, and how straight people would feel if a date came out to them as bisexual.My previous (and only) relationship was with another girl, a few years ago when I was 18. A lot of my friends know about that, and also know my ex, so I feel like I should tell my date or he might find out through one of my friends anyway. While I still identify as bisexual, it’s just not a big part of my life and I wouldn’t want to make a big fuss of it. However I worry he might be confused as many people don’t understand bisexuality.I find some guys attractive, and I find some girls attractive. It’s as simple as that. The stereotypes about bisexuals are just that - stereotypes. Bisexuals don’t “need both”, they won’t cheat on you with the opposite gender, it’s not a phase, and no, they won’t have a threesome with you. But I don’t think I’ll be able to explain all that to him in person, I’ll get too anxious!Have any bisexuals had a similar problem? Have any straight people here had a bisexual partner? How would you feel if someone you liked turned out to be bi? Any advice at all?? I really like this guy and want it to work out - I don’t want my previous relationship to be a deal breaker. Thanks so much
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (17 August 2018):
 Put simply, if it's a deal breaker for anyone, they're not right for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2018): There are no spokes-persons who can speak for all gay people (I'm gay); or all those who identify as bisexual. We are each individuals with our own beliefs, values, and personalities. I cannot be lumped into a category; or judged by what other gay-men do. I'm me, I didn't come from a mold.
Judge me on my own merit, and as an individual. Love me the same way!
That's what you should expect from anyone you date. Regardless of gender. Who doesn't fit some form of stereotypical-behavior? That is, if you want to keep throwing something at me until it sticks!
There will always be stereotypes; and people will form opinions, until they know YOU. My sexuality is a part of me, it is not my identity. You can't force anything down someone's throat; if they choose not to accept it. I'm bi-racial; I look like a few other ethnicities; but I have encountered the prejudices directed towards a race I am not.
People may have preconceptions; but sometimes we have to have the courage to educate them. We can't always hide from them, or conform to their expectations. Pardon the pun, but sometimes we have to set them straight! You are sexually-attracted to both men and women! He can take it, or leave it. Allow him the option!
You are correct to lean towards honesty; and you should inform the guy you're dating that you are bisexual. Your friends may out you! They won't like you playing anyone, and still expecting them to trust you.
I don't think it's necessary to go into a great deal of detail about your past; except to inform him your last relationship was with a female. Gay or straight; let your exes stay in the past. When you're pursuing a new romance, they deserve very little mention or publicity. Getting to know people is about you, and your present; and there is plenty of time to discuss the past. Build and exchange some trust first.
When dating, disclosure of your true sexual-orientation is as important as your marital-status, if you have herpes; or if you are HIV-positive!
If he is as young as you are, his attitude is likely to be flexible; but don't expect anyone straight to have a full understanding of your bisexual-orientation. They have to walk in your shoes. You can no more figure-out what it feels like to be a man; than he can figure what it's like to be a woman. Yet we learn to have an understanding between us.
I've dated bisexual-men; and I didn't really spend a lot of time conscious of what that means. I simply enjoyed the guy for who he is WITH ME! I can't say that will always be the case; but you have to explain to him who you are, and what you stand for. Then when/if he falls for you, it would be based on your true-identity. Never-mind the stereotypes, he can only judge you for your actions and behavior. Not by what other people do. Many women say men are all alike! Not true!
He has a right to decide he doesn't want to date you; because of your bisexuality. He might reject you for other reasons. That doesn't make him prejudiced, or a bad-person. He is heterosexual; and it is his right to date only heterosexual-women, if that's his choice. No one has a right to tell you whom you shouldn't sleep with; that's entirely up to you. So that goes both-ways. I don't insist that anyone accepts me; you damned well better respect me, unless I give you reason not to!
Honesty allows him a choice. Deception does not. Without trust you will not have a meaningful-relationship. In-fact you wouldn't have one at all. You cannot lie, or hide these things from people. Too many people try, and get accidentally discovered. The main reason they are rejected is for being dishonest; or for not being forthcoming. If he has prejudices, or would not prefer to date a bisexual-female; it's best you know before you give him your heart.
He will have to get used to the thought of both of you attracted to women. He might be a little insecure when it comes to that. That's a challenge to his manhood. Which turns you on most? He can't help but wonder!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 August 2018):
 I have plenty of friends are bisexual and I have never knowing them to struggle with this. I cannot see why this would be a big deal for him. Just drop it in to a conversation, just talk about dating and past relationships and just tell him your last relationship was with a girl. If he has any questions am sure he will ask. Try not to overthink it, I don't think it will be a big deal. Off course it doesn't mean threesomes, you are still in a committed relationship with someone regardless of the gender.
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