A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend doesn't speak often, and I find I do most of the talking. The problem is, I'm not a big talker myself and am used to listening.However, because he is my boyfriend, I am the most talkative with him out of everyone and while I'm quiet with friends, I long for animated discussions with him.How do I tell him he's too quiet without hurting his feelings? I like everything else about him, this seems a silly thing to come between us. I am quiet but make an effort to be chatty with him...could I ask him the same somehow? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (3 October 2011):
maybe the reason he's quiet is because the topics that you want to talk about are not those that interest him? so instead of talking about things that interest you, how about focusing on things that interest him. Many times, when people feel that you're interested in learning about them and their interests (and not just wanting them to hear about yours) they will become more engaging in conversation.
another way is to ask someone open ended questions, not just 'yes/no' questions. So instead of asking him if he liked this movie or that book, ask him what he thought of it, and why.
I would suggest that you not tell him he's "too quiet" because this is criticizing who he is as a person which is likely to just make him defensive and/or hurt and thereby withdraw even more and not likely to get him to want to talk more. But at the same time you may want to convey to him that you're uncomfortable with his silence so you could tell him just that - that you feel uncomfortable with his silence, because it makes you feel like he's not interested in you, etc. (which is different because it talks about behavior which he can change, and is not an evaluation of the way he is as a person).
finally, you may just have to accept that he's never going to be as chatty as you'd like, that's just his personality.
A
female
reader, nanabear456 +, writes (3 October 2011):
 just tell him that you want to communicate more often.
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