A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have always had insecurity issues and body image issues since I was younger. Also living in a house with constant mental and emotional abuse can take its toll. However I have a boyfriend and it's close to being a year for us. He is the most amazing person I have ever met; I have never been loved and cared for like this before. And I love him very much and deeply. This is the happiest anyone has ever made me and he has helped me grow as a person. He has helped me a lot especially in dealing with my family mainly my mother. But what lingers in my mind is that I'm not what he prefers physically. I guess some would say I'm slightly heavier. I have been working out, not for him but for myself. He has never made me feel that way,I understand it is what I have been dealing with personally for years ; not feeling good enough. He always calls me gorgeous, beautiful, he tells me he thinks I'm pretty, and that he accepts for who I am, but I feel ashamed... Our sex life is amazing, I enjoy the way he caress me and kisses me but I feel embarrassed that he's looking at my body and the way it is...I think he needs someone that actually is pretty and beautiful...
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2015): This is incredibly hard to read. This man is in love with his amazing and beautiful woman, who is his' best'.
I am so sad to read you are finding feeling, accepting and enjoying this so hard.
It's terrific that you have been able to be so honest with him, and he again shows his love to you with his support.
My fear for you is this insecurity will not just disappear, sounds like childhood has fractured your view of yourself, as it salt does for many- this is repairable hun! But I would really urge you that if things continue to be hard that you get some professional help to mend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have talked to my boyfriend about this, actually the same night i made this post we were talking about what started our depression and where we were at. i told him about how i felt. After that conversation the feelings i had kept bottled up just overflowed and i coudln't help but think of letting him go to find someone better, even though i know i would be heartbroken, but i would want him to have someone better. We talked about it last night and he asked how he could help and he said that when he comes back we can start working out together, which i would really like.Normally i go by myself but it would be good to have someone give me a little push. We already cook and go on walks together so it'll be something that can build a greater bond between the two of us. Thank you very much for everyone's responses. It will definitely take time for me to overcome my low self-esteem and gain more confidence, and now that i have thought this through it would be very foolish of me to lose someone i'm in love with and someone that loves for who iam.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2015): News flash!!! He can't find anyone better than you. So I guess you're stuck with him. He doesn't want anybody else. I guess you've got your hands full! You touch his heart in a place no one else can. It's called love!
You don't seem to understand that people, I mean everyone, has a variety of types we are attracted to. There is no one type in particular and that's that. You spend too much time hating who you are, and that is symptomatic of abuse and the lack of positive reinforce from the people you need it from most. Your parents.
You are receiving that positive reinforcement from your boyfriend. If he didn't want you, he wouldn't have devoted a whole year of his life being so good to you. And sweetie, just reading your words tells me what a gentle and sensitive young lady you are. You more than deserve someone like him. Don't you let anybody, including yourself, tell you otherwise.
Be happy, and grateful. Be good to him. He is a kind and loving young man, and the type a good person like you deserves. You are not at fault for the things that have happened to you, and your weight and appearance does not set your value as a person. It is the goodness and light that shines from within you. He is able to see it, and he's drawn to it. He also recognizes your beauty, which you can't see for the things in your mind that block it from you. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, people see what we can't see in or about ourselves. That's why we need love.
You are very fortunate that you have found each other. It's okay that you feel a little scared. We all feel scared and unworthy when we finally find that someone who is special and very good to us. If he stuck around for a whole year, you must be a really sweet person. Appreciate him, and yourself, my dear. I'm very happy for you.
Please don't send him away, you will break his heart!
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (19 July 2015):
 You dear Beautiful girl.
For close to a year you have been the beloved girlfriend of a loving boyfriend who really cares about you and who you think is amazing. I am glad that you are being loved like you have never been loved before.
You really do deserve that love but you don't think so.
In fact you are lovingly and unselfishly putting what you think are your boyfriends needs over what you think your needs are.
Your Boyfriend will be broken hearted as he sees someone really special that is the person who is you, He sees traits within you that you don't even see.
when I was your age I was encouraged by a teacher to join a public speaking group. Don't know why I agreed. after all I never thought I would actually use the skill. My confidence was on the floor back then. My mother constantly criticised me and I had yet to meet the man I went on to marry.
Back then I never saw public speaking in my life. Last week I was asked to submit papers for a very big conference in Seattle. This would be the 4th conference where I have been asked and in two out of four I have attended and loved talking to a packed lecture space. I felt very honoured to be asked. If anyone had ever suggested this would happen back when I was 18 I would have never believed them,
You too have far more to offer than you realise. My first husband was highly intelligent and a lovely man. I had no idea what he saw in me but I knew I adored him. He saw things in me that I know now to be true but back then I never saw those abilities.
If I asked you to write down your ten best aspects, traits or qualities I wonder if you would struggle as I did when I chose to ask a counsellor what I could do to improve my self esteem. I thought it was a very curious task to give me. Near impossible too. I was able to write that I like that I have tiny wrists and that I am good at drawing. two out of ten. Then I asked her the following week if she would like a list of my ten worst traits. She said no as she thought I would probably be able to list 100 negative things very easily.
I have moved on to think more positively about me and with support I know that you can too.
Your body is what you have and your boyfriends loves who you are. What ever that "are" represents.
Do not put off getting nice clothing until you are slimmer. You may never be destined to be slimmer so love all the luscious voluptuous you as you are.
One such girl as described above at work has just had a baby and her husband worships the ground she walks on. He has never been put off by her size and she is not prepared to be treated any other way than as the much adored and loved girl that she is.
She did not start to appreciate who she is After she started dating her now husband. She was that was when she met him. He was blown away by all that is her and loved her completely just the way she is. He is very good looking and he regards himself as the lucky one. And he is. She is a gorgeous much loved lady where I work.
She is kind. she is never bitchy, catty, snide. She never behaves liked she is sucking on a lemon. No wonder we all love her.
What you have endured in a home with mental and emotional abused would take a toll.
I am so glad that your boyfriend has made you happy and has made you see that you are more than you envisage. Trust his judgement. He has observed you nearly a year. Clearly you are a loving and loveable lady and he appreciates that within you.
Well done that you are working out. If you cook your own meals then try this recipe analyser.
http://www.caloriecount.com/cc/recipe_analysis.php
the difference between when I make a turkey breast meat loaf versus ground beef per serve amazed me.
Just keep up the good work. it is not about losing weight. it is about being healthy. walking and working out and finding extra ways to exercise while eating healthy food counts for far more than just weight loss.
Some very skinny people can still have diabetes , asthma, high cholesterol and high blood pressure.
just keep on doing the right things by you.
You are completely right to be doing it to be healthy for you. You are who comes first in that respect.
you are just as good as any one else.
How long since you had your photo taken? hide behind someone when a camera is around? be proud of who you are.
be loving and kind to you first. Get your hair cut into a nice contemporary style and get that lovely foot massage done when you see one of those shops with Chinese trained masseurs. Because they are worth ever dollar.
I used to look at photo A in a particular year, but a year later I realized that photo A was not that bad. but photo B the following year was so much worse. yet the following year I came to realise photo B and A were both OK, but now disliked photo C that had just been put in front of me. One photo of me at work was so attractive that I did not initially recognise it as me because my self esteem used to be so low. yes it takes work. but it can happen.
Get all the help you can gather to start playing a new record in your head of who you really are. A good nice person.
NOT what the old record keeps on telling you (wrongly) that you are not ok.
He is happy with you are cares about you. Address those self esteem issues. Try to look up emotional Intelligence EI as it might help you address some of these issue.
From now on I would like you to try doing one nice kind positive thing for you, before you do anything else for anyone each day.
And try Affirmations. One each morning and one before you go to bed. I shall look around for some positive ones that might resonate with your situation.
Before you even take any steps to break up with him (which would break his heart) then please do start exploring some nice things you can do for you or say to you or experience to help you to start seeing that you do deserve the best. Not second best, and not last in the line.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (19 July 2015):
He wants you. You think he need some-one else because of your insecurity and lack of self-confidence, but why don’t you just let him be the judge? If he wanted some-one else, he’d go and find some-one else. Perhaps you aren’t his usual type physically but types are just generalisations. They aren’t hard and fast rules. If he cares for you, is attracted to you and wants to be with you, you should accept that. If you can’t convince yourself that you deserve this man, at least try to accept that he is a sensible, rational person who knows what he wants and that you should trust his judgement. If you can learn to trust him, eventually you’ll start to take his compliments about you at face value too. Don’t give in to insecurities and doubts and risk ruining a good thing. This is all in your head.
I wish you all the very best.
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