A
female
age
30-35,
*ppleBottomJeans
writes:Me and my best mate have known each other for 4 years and were really close, we tell each other everything. we are both mates with this lad, and recently he has been flirty with me, been texting me and we are becoming close - to the point where we are almost in a relationship. my best mate is interfering though by telling me hes only going to "use" me because (she claims) he's "tried it with her" etc. i know she fancied him before and i think she still does, even though she denies it, so i think this might be her reason for getting involved (basically, i think she is jealous). i know for a fact that he likes me more than her because i make him laugh, he's told me this himself. so, how can i tell my bezzie, nicely, to back off a bit and let me and this lad have a go at a relationship? x
View related questions:
best friend, flirt, jealous, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): Hun, when adolescents date...it's a life learning experience. And you need to experience dating a variety of young fellows. He won't be your last bf..you have many more to date before you reach adulthood. The thing that dating teaches us is one learns how to select and watch out for little warning signs that could tell us, who would be and wouldn't be good for a relationship with us. You have a best mate who gave you some information about a guy you like. Now, you can do two things with that information...you can heed her warning and not date him or..you can still date him and find out for yourself. You will know soon enough whether this young fellow is a good quality, honorable guy to date. We don't know for sure if she likes him and is jealous...maybe she's really really truely concerned about you being hurt. You know the answer to that better than we do, as you know her very well. But just because he and her didn't work out, does not mean you and he can't work out. Your friend needs to understand that.
You don't need to tell her to back off, but if she asks, tell her nicely, that you still plan to date him, anyways. And then tell her that it's your hope 'that she could be happy for you and that this subject in regards to this young man's integrity is now closed.' That is all you can do. Don't be pressured into anything that makes you uncomfortable in this relationship, though. And if he does act with disrespect , be a smart girl and get ready to bail quickly. Only accept people in your life who respect you, dear. As Phiatiger has said, though--stay close to your best mate. You might need her support if he does end up being a cad. Good luck, hun and hope it works out for you.
A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x +, writes (1 April 2008):
 You can simply tell her that you appreciate her concern, and understand why she's worried, but tell her that you would really like to give him a chance. It might be different than what she experienced, if she actually experienced anything at all.
So you're thanking her for her concern, but you would like to see what happens for yourself.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): I think you need to make it clear that you are grateful that she is looking but for you but you want to test the water yourself and see where it goes.
If he did used to be interested in her then that ended for a reason so she needs to get over the rejection and move on. Be careful not to push your friend away too far, she may turn out to be right and you will need to turn to her.
Bare in mind her feelings but ask her to bare yours in mind too. You can only be honest x
...............................
|
