A
female
age
30-35,
*utter
writes:Hi all...I am stuck in a sticky tangled mess :(I met this guy once last year and talked to him twice or so, but a few months ago he invited me over to his place. We got along really well even though i didn't really know him. We started watching a movie, but ended out making out on his bed for about 4 hours. I wasn't that attracted to him and originally went to his place just to watch the movie (like i have done with other guy friends and it never went anywhere) but let it go as i'm single and he seemed nice enough. Anyway, i told him i'd have to think about us seeing i didn't know him that well, i don't do one nighters, and wasn't sure if i wanted a relationship being busy with uni and all. He seemed cool about it. After thinking about it i told him over the phone i'd just like to get to know him as a person before jumping into it all, and he seemed fine about that also. However, the next time i met him we started making out on his bed, then he started dry humping me extremely aggressively and i was really scared :O He said sorry and he wouldn't do it again. Every time after that we'd see each other after that he'd make sleazy comments in public to me, try to touch me all the time, chat up other girls in front of me etc. Every time i'd see him and go home i felt aweful, and i'd tell myself "next time he tries to touch me i'll tell him not to" but i can't! I told my friend and she knew of him and said i had to break the whole thing off because he's like that with all girls. I met up with him later on and told him i wanted to break it all off and he said ok and we didn't talk for a few days, until he sent me an email saying he was sorry and all. So i decided to see him again, and it was the same. Even though he keeps saying there's nothing going on between us, and i tell him i don't want anything to happen between us, whenever i turn up at his house it's the exact opposite and he starts again. He always compliments me even though i know he doesn't mean it, and sits really close and tries to put his toungue in my ear and his arm around me. I have to be really careful what to say to him in case he takes it as a cue to start touching me etc! I hate it, and i wish i could stand up and tell him to bugger off but i'm not strong enough and if i did he'd just say "well you liked it" or "you let me" and i did so it's all my fault. He knows how to work his way up to touching me and he knows how to manipulate me and i want to get out of this mess but can't! I like our friendship even though i know its all fake and all he wants is sex! what can i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): Good for you Cutter, you had a lucky escape. It took a lot of courage to do what you did and you shouldn’t feel awful at all.
A
female
reader, Cutter +, writes (20 July 2009):
Cutter is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again guys, i mean it.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 SO WHAT IF HE FEELS BAD!
don't listen to his obvious bullshit.,...
RUN FORREST, RUN!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): Cause and effect. No doubt, any human may feel 'bad' after giving someone the truth of the matter, which in this case is a negative one.
Now, you can distance yourself from him. The feeling of being 'awful' will pass. Unless you allow yourself to be emotionally obligated to him, then you will be in no better position as before.
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A
female
reader, Cutter +, writes (20 July 2009):
Cutter is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did, and i told him about how he is really sleazy and annoying and he said he just got over confident thinking i liked him. He said all he wanted to do was make me happy but failed miserably. He was really upset, and i basically just crapped all over him and i feel really aweful.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (19 July 2009):
 No problem. Did you tell him?
Australia is a free country, no one can force you to date another person. :)
Just tell him you need some time alone. it's not mean. If you don't want a relationship then telling him how you feel will give him a chance to find the one that does.
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A
female
reader, Cutter +, writes (19 July 2009):
Cutter is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys. I needed the confidence
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (18 July 2009):
Just. Dump. Him.
Simple as pie.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): All this guy wants is to get into your pants and you are making it very easy for him. You keep coming back for more .You are the fish that has fallen for his bait and he is reeling you in. It’s just a matter of time .Listen to his words “YOU LET ME”
This is what you do, each time he calls you, invites you, you hear his words “YOU LET ME” And you make a choice to say NO THANKS I am busy. If he wears you down you say sorry can’t do got to go and hang up, he will eventually get the message. Don’t read any email. Just stop all contact.
Don’t let there be a next time ....unless you want it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): There are two words that sum up Satindesire's advice: will power.
People choose the things they do, the battles they fight.
It's as straightforward as Satindesire's words were: "Why don't you just STOP SEEING HIM!?"
Then you answered: "if i could then i would but i don't know how to"
How could you not know how to? Is it not a basic human function to be able to choose not to?
"I choose not to see him." Therefore, I am not going to respond to him. Which will result in not seeing him, not interacting with him, not do anything with him.
If you choose to go see and respond to him, then that is a problem of will power. There are no excuse, no justification of the lack of will power. You only fall 'victim' to it, because you don't want to lose him, even when you don't want this sort of 'fake' relationship.
I am a proponent in learning through experiences - bad and good. Some people require only one mistake, one time and they will learn and correct their situation. Others require multiple mistakes, multiple times, stretched out to many years, stuck in their one-angled perspectives. Unfortunately, many of them do not learn at all, are not able to see their own mistakes, are not willing to draw some will power to change and upgrade.
This isn't a free-form question with a wide variety of answers. This is easily just "stop seeing him". There is no "I don't know how to", because it's all in your mind and all in your hands.
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A
female
reader, blacktimestwo  +, writes (18 July 2009):
Why can't you stop seeing him? what is it about him that draws you back? Because you've told us nothing but negatives...
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (18 July 2009):
You delete this guy from your life and have NO CONTACT! How many times do you intend to go back to this turd of a man and not get crapped on?
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A
female
reader, Cutter +, writes (18 July 2009):
Cutter is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLook, satindesire, if i could then i would but i don't know how to
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