A
female
age
41-50,
*oco85
writes:How do I tell him I need that I don't feel special without it turning into an argument?I dont understand whats going on with my boyfriend. i love him more than anything but im having serious doubts. He started renovating his house before we met, we've been together for a year and he has asked me to move in with him when its finished. sometimes he says he wants us to settle down and has mentioned starting a family in a few years. he tells people we are living together in my place even tho none of his things are here i feel he only says this because he doesnt want people to know he still lives with his parents. he often lies to me, even when ive caught him out he'll still lie and this makes me not trust him like i used to. he says its because i will have a go at him, but ive explained that the dishonesty hurts me so much more, I dont think he has cheated at all but our sex life has gone down hill drastically, its very boring now and he doesnt care if im satisfied anymore, i have to make the moves for sex. he says its because he's so tired after work and the renovations but he will always make time for his hobbies and friends.We don't go on dates and the few times ive tried has been terrible, he's disinterested and distant, he says he cant afford to but i always pay my own way so I dont see how money is the problem and he always has money for anything his friends want to do. even a nice walk somewhere would make me really happy but he wont make the time. I had to organise and pay for my own birthday present from him, which he makes out was his doing but ive tried to explain why im feeling crap and he takes it as a personal attack then we argue. He says i make him feel like a bad boyfriend when i just want a little romance now and again. Its very awkward to talk to him because when i try and talk about things we could do together or things id like him to do he clams up and lets me organise everything. when i suggest he does it then nothing ever happens.How do i tell him i need that i dont feel special without it turning into an argument?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): "when a man loves a woman, cant keep his mind on nothing else..." you know the song this is not love my dear, lying to you? doesnt try to satisfy you in bed? as the modern saying goes... he's just not that into you.
my advice would be to let this one go before he lets you go. there is better out there for you and he will come along once this one is out of your life.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 September 2009):
You should read what you've written! This is a guy who lies about living with you, lies to you often, sex has become boring and he's not bothered about satisfying you, he's making time for his friends and then when you go on dates he dares to claim he can't afford it and to top if off when you try to tell him he's making you feel bad he doesn't listen and you end up in an argument. That's a long and varied list you have there. Bottom line is, you're a woman and you want to be romanced and have time spent on you. This guy is doing anything but that. You have to be very brave and sit him down and tell him that he is seriously jeopardizing your relationship. If he doesn't listen, I would say dump him and move one. Yes, it will hurt, but there are other better guys out there who will care about you more than this. Lots of luck. x
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