A
female
age
41-50,
*teohbaby
writes:I have a boy-trauma situation that I don't quite know how to handle and am hoping someone can help.....A few months ago, I moved in in with a male friend of mine who I've known for about 8 years (we are both in our early 30s). I have always been secretly attracted to him but have never been able to express my deeper feelings to him as the time has never been right - one or the other of us was always in a relationship, so out of respect for both of us and our various committed relationships to others, I pushed my feelings aside. Now, for the first time ever, we are both single at the same time - but as I said before, we are now roommates. I have no idea how to move forward at this point. I can't imagine dating other people or bringing other men home - he's the guy I really want. But I'm also terrified of telling him for a few reasons - first, I really love living here and don't want to have to move; second, I am nervous about screwing up our friendship as I really do care deeply for him as a friend; three, I am so nervous that he doesn't feel the same and I'd be making a fool of myself by admitting my deeper feelings. He has dropped what I believe to be little hints over the years that he has deeper feelings for me, too, but I can't be totally sure - he's hard to read. More recently, I have noticed that since I've moved in, him having girls over has completely stopped - the first month or so I was here, there was some girl or another over here at least 3 - 4 times a week; there hasn't been one girl here at all in over two months. We also have been spending a decent amount of time together at the house talking, sharing stories, working on little projects, etc. - just enjoying each other's company. I don't know if it means anything or not, I mean, we are good friends - maybe someone out there can shed some light on any portion of this situation.I guess my main questions are:1) Should I be telling him how I'm feeling and if so, how?2) Are there signs from him that I should be looking for so maybe I could tell whether he might feel the same for me before I put myself out on a limb emotionally?Any and all opinions and advice are appreciated. Thanks!
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male
reader, FEELITDOIT  +, writes (28 April 2009):
You are in a tricky and stressful situation. The prospect of jeopardising a good friendship and a home you enjoy is not an easy one to consider. However, do you want to get to 80 years old and always regret not telling him how you really feel? You have to tell him! If he is a good a friend as you say, and he doesn't feel the same way as you he will respect your courage and honesty and STILL be your friend. And, as painful as that be, you will know where you are. But if he DOES feel the same way... :-) All the best x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): Well, I think if you have deeper feelings for him you should try to tell him and ask him if he feels the same way. Once you do that though, it could ruin your friendship...so you have to decide if the chance at something more romantic is worth this risk.
Further, if you want this to work it is really a bad idea to continue to be roommates and to live together. It could make things feel too pressured when you are really just trying on romance for the first time. So if you decide to date, then I hope you will heed my advice and find your own place to live and then date him properly, not in a shacked up situation because that could go on indefinately and you may never be upgraded to wife and girlfriend because he never had to actually court you to get you, you just sort of fell into a sexual thing, a bed buddy.....this is not what you want with this guy, so be careful not to let that take place....or you are doomed before you ever get started....trust me....I have seen it happen all of the time.
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