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male
age
,
anonymous
writes: I made a huge mistake. My wife and I were having problems with our marriage and she complicated it further by having a few sexual encounters and a full blown emotional relationship. I became an angry person with an agenda to get even. I contacted an old girlfriend who was married and in an abusive marriage. I had a feeling telling her about my wifes behavior would make it easy for her to have sex with me, and it did. So for the last couple of years we meet for sex about once a month. Now, for whatever reason, my wife has changed her bad behavior of cheating and has stopped all her nasty hostility toward me and seems to want to move forward with me instead of leaving me as she threatened so many times. I welcome her change and for the last several months have wanted to stop the affair I started with this woman. I have told her that my wife has been putting more effort into our marriage than ever and I am hoping we can get it together for good. I avoid her as much as possible, and need to tell her I can't see her anymore. I know this will hurt her, and I am angry at myself for getting her involved with me. I know she dosen't want our affair to end, but I have to end it because I want my wife and my life back. I don't want this woman at all and would like to know the best way to end it with as little pain as possible for her. She has enough problems at home as it is, and she has been a friend for many years.
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male
reader, previasc96  +, writes (23 April 2008):
Tell her flat out that you cannot sleep with her anymore. It also would be good to stop seeing her all together.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): I agree with the other poster. Honesty has to be the best policy. You must break it off as emotionally you can never give your wife all of you if you are still involved with another woman. It will be hard for the other woman and you must let her down gently, however if it is going to succeed with your wife you must severe all ties. All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): I would suggest breaking it off honestly, but may I advixe you to be as kind as possible?
I was in a situation like this once, and I was the lover cast aside, however I was single. He broke it off coldy and without warning, and with no explanation.
As a result it has been 1 year and 3 months and Ive still not recovered from the pain of it all.
Be honest but please be kind if you can.
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A
female
reader, iAintYourAunt +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Call her. Confront her. It doesn't matter. Tell her bluntly what her status is. Tell her she is only a friend and you hate seeing her hurt in her relationship, but you can no longer betray your wife.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): i think you need to be more open and honest all round, your lovers marriage cant be as bad as she makes out considering she hasn't asked you to leave your wife for her, she must know you don't care for her surely because if you did you wouldn't have left her in an abusive relationship and you would of met up with her more frequently! get my drift? stand up be a man tell her its over tell her to boot her husband out while your at it,if shes that unhappy she will, and finally see a relate councellor with your wife and patch things up this has gone on too long good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Man up dude. Just tell her. Do you think you are doing this other woman any favors by stringing her along? Grow a set.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (5 March 2008):
 I agree, you need to be honest with her. You also need to be honest with your wife. So for two years you had this affair? Having an affair is a poor solution. While having the affair two things remained. Your marriage still sucked and she was still being abused. You also took what she had done which you called "bad behavior" and did it yourself.
You both need to work on what's causing these issues in your marriage. Together work out an actual plan on how to build this marriage back up, without pondering on this past.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (4 March 2008):
 The only way to do this is quickly and honestly. You have kind of set the wheels in motion so to speak and now you need to follow through and come clean. Yes, she will be hurt and may even beg you to stay with her or to continue the affair but the bottom line is that you are sorry you got her involved and you do not want to continue this affair with her. That is all you need to tell her and I would do so asap as she needs to start mending and you need to stop worrying about the how, what and when.
Take a deep breath and make that call. Please don't do it with a text message or a letter. If she starts in on you or gets angry, take it like a man. After all, you probably deserve it and actually she will feel better and you will feel better. After letting her speak her mind (and don't allow a 2nd round of the same speach) then simply tell her you are sorry and that you want the best for her. Then you can end the call. You do need to let her speak her peace. Then do not take any calls from her. I don't know if she will cause trouble for you and your wife so I am hoping your wife knows??? Well, deal with that if it comes.
good luck.
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