A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am having some troubles with my girlfriend...we were about to go out like a year ago and things didnt work and i ended up dating another girl for about 6 months but then i realized that i really wanted to be with the other girl so i dumped the one i was with for her. while i was dating this other girl my current girlfriend had tried to move on as well and started hanging out with this other guy. then i started talking to her again and she dropped everything with him for me. she still texts him once in awhile even while shes with me sometimes and it upsets me that she does this. another thing is that she is really shady when we mess around. ive fingered her loads of times and she hasnt even like touched me through my shorts and we've had sex once and it was great. she's only had sex 2 or 3 times before me. I just dont know how to turn things around and bring up the topic of her texting him and her being so shady in bed. Shes 18 and im 19 years old and we've been together for about 6 months. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): hi,i totally understand where you are coming from. but you have to be open with her. i know it's harder than it seems but the next time she texts him while you're there just mention that it hurts you a little. admit that you're jelours, because it sounds like you are, and that's totally understandable. try being open with her and maybe she'll understand. if she says that he's just a friend, explain you're worried it will turn into something more. tell her you don't want there as you really want to be with her.as for the sex i actually understand from her point of view. i have been with someone for almost two years now. we've, sleeping together loads of time. but to be honest, i felt i was a little rushed into it. when he used to finger me i did not want to do the same back and in the end i only did because i was worried he would get agitated. and now i feel as though i can't even ask him to slow down because he might think im changing. give her time and allow her to get to trust you a lot more. it can be a daunting thing. the fact that she isn't jumping straight at you can be seen as a good thing. she may be taking her time to really get to know you, a sensible girl. good luck
A
female
reader, brklynsis81 +, writes (18 May 2010):
 Good communication in this situation is so important.First things first - on the topic of texting, you need to confront her on this. Be really careful in your approach to this... don't put her on the defense, but tell her how you feel. It's really important to start your sentences with "I" rather than "you." For example, you might say "I feel really insecure when I see that you are texting your ex. How can I feel better about you maintaining contact with him?" As opposed to "You are always texting your ex and it makes me mad!"On the issue of sex - you are both still pretty new to the sex thing, and she may just be trying to wrap her mind around how she feels about it. You could try asking her if she enjoys sex, or if there is anything you could do to make her more interested in sex. She may be concerned about birth control or religious reason for not having sex, so ask her about that and do your best to be supportive of any concerns she may have. She may just be shy!Bottom line, you won't know until you talk to her about it...
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