A
female
age
30-35,
*ealixmoon
writes:*sigh* i'm really bad at explaining so bare with me. i really like this guy that i've known for awhile and we've been technically 'friends with benefits' for nearly a year now, we have been in a relationship before but it ended, we're very close and tend to think alot alike. recently, we met up for sexual reasons, but he asked me to stay the night, which he's never done before. i've never had the confidence to ask him back out but this inspired me and i went for gold. recently he's been messed about by another girl and was cheated on by his last gf, for these reasons, he said no to me and stated that he wasn't ready for another relationship just yet. i really want to be more than friends with benefits but i don't want to seem pushy or like a nutter. please could someone give me some advice, i feel absolutely lost right now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): Oh girlfriend, who in the world sold you on the idea that staying friends with benefits especially with an ex was ever a good idea for you? You have thrown away all your power in this reationship, you have allowed him to use you for sex, and essentially cheated on his girlfriends with him, and you want this moron for a relationship, for a life partner, for your happily ever after? He doesn't love you....get that straight right now. Having sex with a man, staying the night or not outside of an exclusive dating relationship will not get you that relationship with him, EVER.
He is not interested in you, you arn not the ONE he wants to be with. He told you He doesn't want to be in a relationship right now, read "with you."
Stop this right now. Break it off, and cut all contact with him, no explanation is even necessary, you aren't in a relationship, what you are doing is psychologically harming you, your spririt, your self esteem, your trust in relationships, love and men. You're being pathetic.
If there is ever a chance for him to think of you differently, then you cut contact period. But do it for your on self worth first and foremost, don't even let a guy use you like that, it is not cool, he's lost all respect for you, trust me on that one. He may enjoy the sex and like you for it, who wouldn't? But he does not love or respect you, he may even be incapable of the real deal with any one.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (7 July 2010):
 Going from friends with benefits to a relationship is in my opinion one of the toughest transitions two people can make. I'd stop the FWB relationship and only have sex when you're in a real relationship with him, otherwise he's going to string you along.
Just my 2 cents.
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