A
male
age
51-59,
*Richardson
writes:There's an 18 year age difference between my fiancé and myself. Our relationship wasn't something that I ever thought would end with getting marrried. I was flattered that a cute college girl found me attractive and decided to go out on a date with her. She is very mature and probably the most level headed college person I ever met. We dated for a four years and last fall we got engaged. The first 6 months or so of our relationship we got the looks and comments about our age difference but once our fiends and family saw us together they realized our relationship was genuine. I'm a wealthier man and I enjoy being able to give her a luxurious lifestyle. She finished university and is now working because she wants to be self sufficient and I support that 100%. We have been trying to have a baby for the past year , actually it was a year on December 1. She has been getting depressed because it is taken us a while. Last night she was really upset because she said she feels like she can't give me the one thing I want ER I give her everything she has ever dreamed of. I don't pressure her for a baby, yes I want to have kids , I'm not getting any younger so the sooner the better but if it doesn't happen then that's fine. I love her and that's what is important to me. How can I take the pressure of off her and make her see that it's not her fault that getting pregnant is taking longer
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 January 2017):
 I think you should both go to the doctor to be checked out and make sure everything is in working order. If it is then I agree with wedding planning. It will take her mind off it and allow her to be excited, stress can cause trouble when trying for a baby so yes focus on something else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2017): It is obvious you both love each other very much. I think what you said here will help her understand. Also perhaps reminding her that you two do have lots of time to sort out the fertility issue. Yes you are older, but it is really only the mother's age that matters for pregnancy health, so with her being young you DO have time to explore fertility options. I don't think you need to panic about doing it as fast as possible because you will be an "old" father. People are living longer now, it will be fine and will happen when it happens. Just stay fit and healthy and I wouldn't worry even if you are in your mid 50s when it happens, it will be a blessing. p.s. as someone else said, why not plan the wedding first? Being married also takes stress off the whole pregnancy process and just makes everything easier.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (25 January 2017):
 Without trying to come across as rude, how do you know 100% it is her body at fault? Have you had a fertility test check? Perhaps maybe you both should just to eliminate that all together. Your post speaks volumes of just how much you love and support this woman, perhaps saying what you have here can give her a bit of peace of mind to take a bit of pressure off herself. Stress can wreck all sorts of hormonal havoc and not all woman fall pregnant straight away if they have stopped using a contraceptive pill. Bang! for some while others just have to be patient. If she is eating well, taking good care by cutting out the nasties like smoking or drinking etc, exercising, lots of love making and there is no obvious health issues I think perhaps the only thing you have to add is a bit of patience. Good luck I hope you both get what you wish
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2017): "How can I take the pressure of off her and make her see that it's not her fault that getting pregnant is taking longer"Why not give her something else on which to focus, for example setting a wedding date so she can actually start planning for one while deferring trying to get pregnant.Maybe I'm old-fashioned but I don't see the point of becoming "engaged" when you're already playing house and have no apparent plans to get married in the foreseeable future. I can understand why a young woman would want to be self-sufficient and not financially dependent on an older man who could dump her at any second with no legal obligation; I can't understand why she'd feel compelled to conceive an out-of-wedlock child as quickly as possible. Unlike too many unmarried fathers, you're in a position to provide a child with a stable home. Why not give him/her the added security of being part of a family where the parents have made a lifetime commitment to each other and every member of the household is legally related to each other?
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