A
male
age
41-50,
*anitysoul28
writes:This question/rant starts off with a bit of humor, as I moved to a new apt after selling my late-mother's estate and at the bottom of a box of items from the attic that came with me, I found an unopened box of Trojan condoms with a receit dating from the Clinton administration. After a chuckle, I decided to post my updated situation again to get some help..I'm 29 years old, I live in a small apt, work a 27 hr a week near-minimum wage job and play in two local bands. In my last post, about 6 months ago, I was frustrated at my single status. I received some valueable feedback. My anxiety was surface level, as I also had $ and unemployment woes beneath those frustrations. My friends have stepped back from me and I have nobody to confide my insecurities in. I don't why they have, either because they don't know what to do to help a friend with depression or they have their own lives to attend to. In either case, I found work and now I want to start trying to have relationships of various kinds that I've never had before. Sometimes I think I'm too old, that I simply missed the boat, as I've never been in love, never dated, never connected with a girl and only had two relationships, both of which were long distance with the last one ending six yrs ago.My friends have wisely chosen not to attend my pity party, whether they're aware I'm having one or not and I don't blame them. I'll tell you though it's HARD to stay positive and have purpose when I have nobody just to hang out with. Being in my own company and having a fundamental belief in the value of my own existence has been a long time struggle with me, as I seem to have the Caregiver personality. People my age are starting families while I'm still trying to see what I can do now to start seriously trying to meet women for the first time and just have the kinds of friendships and relationships I want to have in general.
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Hi sanitysoul28,
Just think this way, nobody knows about your loneliness, so once you are out in the world it's a fair game. When you are feeling down, lonely, go out, get a cup of coffee, go bookstore to relax. I know that feeling lonely is hard enough, but anxiety makes it worst. You feel like everybody can see through you, you get nervous in public and feel like everybody are starring at you. Well, good thing is that it's not true and it's only in your head. But, what's true is that people can feel your energy when they are around you, so try to be positive and it's going to take a little bit of acting in the beginning, but hopefully with time you don't have to act anymore, it will become normal and life will go back to the way it was before. Before you start feeling this way, you were a normal, healthy, happy person. That person still inside of you and all you have to do is to find yourself again. You know that song from the band "queen- the great pretender". Reality is that no matter how much money you have, how many friends you have, at one point in life you will have doubts and regrets. So, what I am trying to say is that, it's ok to be down at times, you are human, and nobody is perfect. So, be kind to yourself and allow you to feel down, be sad if you need to. Don't be hard on yourself. But, what's important is, how you are going to recover? What can you do to make your life more fulfilling? It's never late to start a new life, but what matters is how you are going to handle your situation. I was going through a very difficult time in my life, my mother was suffering from cancer 10 years ago. I was in my early 20's, never I show weakness, sadness, or even told anyone. I tried my hardest to get up every morning, act as if nothing happened, and try to blend the best way possible with society. At that time, I met my now bestfriend, we went out talk about silly things, it was all about relaxing and having a good time, and again I didn't tell him, or show him I was sad. Well, that person still my bestfriend until this day. So, the purpose of me sharing my story is that, people won't know how you feel if you don't show them. Try to be positive, a smile it's all it takes. When you approach a stranger, doesn't need to be a serious, intellectual, deep conversation. You don't need to try hard. Smile, deep breath, relax, and enjoy.... Hey, if doesn't work out, don't feel rejected or that you failed, try next one, but you will never meet "the one" or make new friends if you don't try... hope this helps, and feel better. Believe in yourself, be strong, never give up, remember it's never too late....
Good luck/best wishes
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