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age
41-50,
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writes: I have a boyfriend of one year and am 3 weeks pregnant with his baby. I have informed him and he seems alittle confused, though he is by my side. We havent discussed the way forward with the pregnancy yet. We had plans of getting married next year. The pregnancy was a mistake. I wouldnt want to have a child out of wedlock and my idea is if he is not ready to marry me now, then i would terminate it and wait till we get married. How do i bring up this idea without making him feel like he is "trapped", like most men interpret it? Especially that when ever he talks of his friends who have made their gals pregnant, he always says "she decided to fall preganant to trap him" Reply to this Question
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female
reader, It's all be okay  +, writes (27 April 2010):
It sounds like you're saying "if we don't get married now, I am going to have an abortion". That does sound like a huge ultimatum. Why do you not want to have a child "out of wedlock"? The key question is whether you feel that you can provide the child with a good upbringing - whether you can be a good parent, and whether the man will also be a good parent. Will he be a good parent? Does he intend to stay with you? Do you want him to stay with you? If you can't even talk to him about this, then there is a bit of a question about your future together, as you can be sure that many hard times will be ahead of you, requiring you to talk openly and on the same team. Even if he marries you, it might not work out.So I say, start with considering the baby in general, and not some out of date notion about it being wrong not to be married when the baby is born, if you decide to go ahead.
A
female
reader, rambini +, writes (27 April 2010):
 It can seem like that, because it tends to be more important to women than men that they have a child in wedlock. Nowadays there is much less stigma, and the need to be married is less important. however if it is important to you then you do need to talk to him. say to him, I don't want us to rush into anything that we are not both 100% sure about. This baby wasn't planned, and i am not comfortable getting married out of wedlock. that isnt to say you have to marry me now, or that i want to trap you in any way, the opposite in fact. i want you to be 100% happy and involved in the decision, and if you want to wait and get married next year as planned, then I will have this baby aborted, and we can wait until we are both ready.
the only risk is, that he may want the baby but not understand the need to get married, in which case it may look as though you are blackmailing him by saying, marry me or i abort your baby.
it is impossible to give definate advice, as I don't know your bf at all, however I think an open and honest talk would be a good starting point.
best of luck x
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