A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How do I stop thinking about someone at work. Once in a while I think she is interested in me, but then I convince myself it is my imagination. There is no real chance of any relationship because she is straight and living with the same guy for at least five years. I think about her ALL the time. I am actually a little worried that I am becoming obsessed. I find myself reading old emails from her (actually a somewhat hazardous activity as screenshots of our computers are randomly recorded and monitored. She told me the other day that they are posting a job for an assistant to her and a couple other bosses. I actually considered applying just so that I would get to see her more often and know her scheduled everyday all day--but would actually be a step down by a couples ranks for me. And I do not want to assist the other two people involved. But that I actually considered it for a minute scares me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): Thanks for the replies Heather and Eve. You are both surprisingly perceptive. I have not yet checked out the self esteem links but will-I know I have a problem in that area. I am sure that I am gay, have been in a long term relationship for years. I do defintitely admire and respect this woman, I may even love her in a way. My probelm is getting over the fixation. I am not looking for a relationship with her, at least not that kind. I want to stop thinking and fantasizing about her and don't know how. It has become a major distraction and work. I do not want to make her uncomfortable and do not want to jeopardize my job. I would not really apply to be her assistant because it would be an obvious and ridiculous atempt to get closer to her. But that I considered it was a bit of a wake up moment to me.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (5 March 2007):
 What is it exactly that you find so compelling about this woman? Is it her lifestyle, her looks, her dress sense, her assertiveness... what? Do you fantasise about her sexually?
I think you admire her more than anything else and all you are needing is to build up your confidence. I get the impression you're not happy with yourself or your life just now and this woman seems to have everything you would love. Have a look at the links below. Do the self esteem test and see how high/low your self esteem is. I don't think you're gay, I just think you're full of admiration for this woman.
http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence
http://www.selfesteem4women.com/index.php
http://www.more-selfesteem.com/self_confidence_tips.htm
I DEFINITELY wouldn't go for the job of being an assistant to her and her 2 colleagues. Not only is it a drop in pay but I think you would sorely regret it in the future.
Eve
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A
female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (5 March 2007):
 Well you can`t stop yourself thinking about her, but you could certainly try to get thing in perspective. Yes I agree, you are becoming too fixated on this. As you have said, she`s been with her guy for five years, so unless she`s been giving you obvious signs of interest, then she`s not. Please be happy that this woman you admire so has a good man behind her, and a happy relationship. You clearly have tons of love & caring to give; and there are LOADS of women in your age group who`d give anything to be cared for by you! Have you considered widening your horizons a bit, and perhaps seeking out new friends & interests? Apart from dating sites, which you may find not to your taste; there are lots of friendship clubs, hobbies & interests societies etc etc, which are a great way to meet new people, as friends, but who knows? Your local library will have details on all these, and more, and of course the internet is invaluable. Also; in all the time you have spent admiring this woman from afar, it`s possible some nice lady at work has had her eye on YOU from a distance! With Love, Heather.
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