A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my brother is abusive to me and has been for many years. He is 2 years younger than me and basically picks on me, for example he flicks water at me, hits me,pokes me, does anything which he knows will annoy me! He calls me names, says i have no friends, calls me fat, calls me a stupid bitch etc....I normally ignore these comments or retailiate but this has gone on far too long. My parents know that he is like this towards me and have tried to stop him but he still carries regardless-he jst doesnt care!He knows that he annoys me and upsets me and that is part of the fun of it.My councillor is very shocked by this, but she couldnt give me any help as to how to stop him so i was wondering whether any of u could. Any ideas would be appreciated, thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (17 July 2007):
 If you feel that you are not getting good advice from your counsellor then maybe you need to change to someone else.
Your depression and low self esteem must come from something that has happened in your life as you still very young to be suffering in this way with something that is quite major in your life.
OK so your brother has tapped into your weaknesses here and the attention you get from your parents is all the spur he needs to keep on annoying you.
I would work with your parents more and ask for their support in them spending time with him perhaps separately to you as he is feeling left out and also making him aware that his actions are unacceptable.
It goes back to the old rules of showing a child how to behave correctly, if the foundations are not put in place from an early age some children will grow up without the rudiments of how to behave. I am in no way slagging off your parents but you sound as though you have been a much easier child than him and now that he is into sexual feelings etc he could be being taunted at school by other boys saying how great his sister is and so all the crude comments and the touching of himself is meant to revolt you but in his own way he is still trying to assert his control over you.
I would suggest that your parents tell him that unless this behaviour stops right now then he is going to lose out on what he wants to do like I mentioned before, it is never to late to withdraw things someone likes.
There does not seem to be any punishment in place for him so that he just gets away with treating you badly and nothing changes so why should he stop in his mind.
If the crude and sexual harrassment continues perhaps your parents should talk to someone about why he is behaving this way towards you as there could be something that is being missed here and perhaps he needs help in some way too.
Keep staying strong and work with your parents and perhaps talk to them about the fact that you do not feel supported enough by your counsellor and perhaps a second opinion is needed here.
Keep us posted eh! Above all keep your chin up sweetheart, things will get better honest.
take care.
BFN
Country Woman
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim seeing my coucillor due to depression and low self esteem. I have stood up to him many a time, i have shouted, sworn and been abusive back to him but that spurs him to continue.I have been researching sibling abuse and have realised that he is being abusive sexually as well, as he often does innapropiate gestures towards me, is very crude and touches himself in front of me. No i think our parents treat us both fairly,however he tends to get into more arguements with them as he is more immature.I spose i have been getting more attention from them recently due to the fact that i have depression and have bene struggling with things lately,however he is very unsympathetic towards me about it, calling me pathetic and a weed for having depression.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (17 July 2007):
You say that your counsellor hasn't been able to help, can I ask what you are seeing your counsellor about? You don't have to say if you don't want to but if may give me an insight and the other aunts and uncles as to what your main issues are.
Obviously your brother is being the typical younger brother and yes in most cases it is quite normal.
Do you stand up to your brother at all and retaliate with saying anything to him or do you just take it?
I think that he just sees you as the vunerable one here and will continue unless you stand up to him in some way as he is basically bullying you and so perhaps working with your parents to withdraw some of the things he likes may make him realise that his actions have consequences.
Does he get an allowance or pocket money and does he have a playstation or special treats at all?
I think if your parents are conscious of this problem then how far have they gone to make him realise how awful he is being.
Do they favour you more than him and he is only doing this to get their attention?
He could well be picking on you as a way of getting back at them and also because you are the favourite so it is basic jealousy.
Let me know about the questions I have asked and with the help of other aunts and uncles I am sure we can find ways of making your life a little easier in the home.
No one should have to put up with constant bullying and if our own home we can't get away from it so even though it is getting you down stay strong and positive OK, you are older than him after all and so there is a pecking order here but he seems to rule the roost and that is not good.
Do your parents spoil your brother in any way to keep him quiet?
Just wanted to know a bit more background that's all. If it is too prying just tell me OK.
Maybe speak soon.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (17 July 2007):
 Its no secret that younger siblings can be very very annoying. It can be a combination of things that make him so unkind to you and often its hard to find out why. Your brother may be secretly jealous of you (Do you get better grades in school?, do you have more freedom to do what you want than him?, do you get more praise or attention from your parents than him?)all these things and others can lead to him feeling undervalued within the family and the secret may lie with your parents. You may have to swallow a little pride (but it will be for a good reason) and ask your parents to be more praising of him, this will boost his self esteem and give him something else to think about. State to him calmly that you are growing up and your not prepared to accept his abuse, shut your ears to it, walk away,lock your door, take a walk. Just say 'NO' to him if he acts up (if he gets you all mad, its like fuel to him and he has won yet again, stay calm and focussed and he will soon get bored of the game). Try to be as mature as you can about it, ignore the insults as just 'stupid kid stuff' and accept that it's his problem and not yours. If he ever does anything remotely kind towards you, tell him calmly that you really appreciate what he did for you (even if its something small, like finding your lost shoe or telling you about a good comic he read)BE POSITIVE AND DONT RETALIATE. Your a young woman going into the world and nobody or nothing can make you feel bad about yourself, you have more important fish to fry as they say!!!I guarantee in a few years time (if you stay calm with him) that you will grow together again and you can be proud that you handled it all so maturely and so well.Good luckAunty Em
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A
female
reader, hj87  +, writes (17 July 2007):
 I have a similar situation as you! Your not alone! I feel your pain! In fact I have a sister that hits me, yells at me, spits at me, calls me names, upsets me, makes me cry, and etc. She is just plain mean and not the nicest person to talk to/be with! I try to ignore her too. This is what I do I just tell my mom and my dad. However it helps sometimes, but usually she just keeps doing those things to me. She doesn't really bother me. Other alternative is ask your brother questions for example: "why do you do those mean things to me?" "Are you asking for attention from me?" "Is something or someone bothering you thats why you pick on me?" Are you trying to get your anger out and put it on me? There could be many reasons why he does those awful things to you. Tell your brother how you feel. See what he says. Plus it looks like your brother annoys you and he thinks it is fun to do. Tell him "it is not fun and it bothers me deeply."~ Say things like that. Another alternative is tell yourself "don't take him seriously", "ignore him", "i'm better/smarter/clever than him", "I am going to be successful in life someday","I am going to make more money than him","things will get better" and etc. Another alternative is if you just laugh or joke about those things with him of what he is doing to you it is possible that he will stop and get tired of annoying you. In addition, act like his actions are not bothering you at all. By this he should stop and get tired of bothering you. Also, I have this similar problem at school, my guy friend kept on annoying me and he thinks it is fun to do too. What I did is I just laughed, and act like his actions are not bothering me. At the end his annoyance stopped and it happened less frequently or none at all. My guy friend got tired of me! The bad/sad part was he went and annoyed someone else. However, I was very happy that his actions stopped bothering me. I hope my advice helped you! Try the alternatives that I gave you. Those should make your brother stop. You are welcome to message me anytime you want to talk! If you would like tell me how it turned out between you and your brother. Take Care!!! xoxoxoxoxo Goodluck!!!
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