A
female
age
30-35,
*rokenandconfused
writes:my ex was abusive and mean but i loved him. one day he hit me becuz i wasn't ready for sex. after we broke up i met this amazing person and i find myself making him pay for my ex's mistakes. how do i stop treating him so badly and actually start to love him the way he loves me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): You need to clean up your emotional hang-ups step by step. Be more positive about your life. The effects of abuse tends to linger and you are suffering a complex in which you are treating your boyfriend the way your es treated you.For starters, thumbs up for releasing your behavior. There are a lot of people who do this sub-consciously. You'll have to learn to be nice not only to the people around you but most importantly to yourself. Small gestures as kissing your boyfriend, hugging your boyfriend, etc is a good start. Instead of having outbursts, sit down quietly and think through what is it that bothers you and rephrase what you want to say to him in a more polite manner. Ultimately, you have to treat and respect him as a person.When you hit the low point, think about things that make you feel good about yourself. Abused victims tend to blame themselves and feel bad about yourself. For example, instead of labeling yourself as ugly, focus on what you like most about yourself.You can't expect yourself to change in a day. It happens gradually and in the long run, the positive outlook will not only help you to treat people around you better but make you feel better about yourself. Keep up your good work and don't give up. Lastly keep in mind, do not treat other people as you would not treat yourself.
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