A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There is a guy i have an /enormous/ crush on.he smokes weed,he drinks,he's in a gang,but he never stops smiling, and he's totally cute.I cannot understand why i can't stop liking him He's abusive. Not like kicking and punching, just like little pinches and pokes and the occasional "oops, my sharpest pencil hit your neck."He never shows up when he says he will because his parents tell him he can't come over, barely comes to school, and is close to getting kicked out or dropping out himself.He's so irritating and all my friends hate his guts beyond rage, and i still like him!!!I thought it was because i usually get the guy i want, that's just how it's always been, but he says he likes me(And though he's a total jackass, he's never lied to anybody. EVER.), and i believe him.But he doesn't act like he likes me, so i try to get over him by paying more attention to better suited guys, you know? But it never works, he's like a freaking magnet, and i'm always slinking back to his side of the playing field, vying for his attention and flirting my brains out.i hate it more than EVERYTHING.how do i stop liking this total jerk?!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): Okay first off he WILL become more abusive he may not full on hit you yet but he WILL, and second he's a bad boy all women think they want one until they have one. I have been here please please please take my advice and STAY AWAY!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 March 2010):
Look at yourself. Look at your own confidence, your happiness, your esteem. If any of those are low, that's probably a major reason. Also ask yourself if you actually want to be a nobody to a guy like this, or a somebody to someone else. It's a mixture of two things. One, that a baby boy appeals because he's on the edge, he's spontaneous and he's exciting. Two, your lack of confidence is leading you to second rate guys because subconsciously you think that's the best you can do. Focus on yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): Suppose you are attracted to your best friend's husband a few years from now. So what? That does not justifying acting on it. This is no different. Having an attraction does nothing to justify doing something about it with the person. This is growing up. It's being mature. Controlling your reproductive urges for the sake of your own long term happiness.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (31 March 2010):
 I'm not sure what to tell you about how to stop liking him, but I can tell you why you are attracted to him. Perhaps that will help.
He is reckless, living on the edge, breaking the rules. To girls your age, and often older, that appears powerful, and power is attractive. We call it Bad Boy Syndrome, Bad Boys are more exciting, but most women eventually grow out of it. One of the mechanisms is, the girl will begin to believe that if she loves him enough he will change for her. So going out with him is an exercise of her power. A proof that she really can love better than other women. The fact is that the guys (bad boys) don't change. The badder they are the more girls are drawn to them, the more effort the girls put into the relationship. They see this as approval of what they are doing, not as an attempt to change them. Eventually the girl will become disillusioned, pack up and move out, cry for a week and go find someone with real quality, instead of the illusion of power.
You seem to have identified his weaknesses quite early. I think there is good hope for you. So fight the temptation with Truth. The #1 Truth you need is that you will never be more important to him than his addiction. When you are tempted to flirt with him just say to yourself, "I won't be his #2, I want a real relationship Where I can be #1" or, "thrill isn't love".
You can be stronger than this.
FA
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A
male
reader, Goodguy84 +, writes (31 March 2010):
Well there is your answer, you want attention from this guy. Even though he is a total dushbag, he pays attention to you and you like it, that is why you like him, cause he pays attention to you. Consider this, if it was one of the good guys and not this dushbag doing this too you, would you go out with them?
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