A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Over the past year or so, my bf and 5 years and I have had 3 of "those" talks. Each time it was about the same thing - whether I still want to be with him or not as I was not showing it. Each time I have assured him that I do love him and want to be with him, and each time I have gone back to the way I was before. I honestly don't think I want to be with him... he is a great man but I am not in love anymore... but every time we talk about it and I look into his eyes, I cannot say no. I try to tell myself to be strong and do what is right by the both of us but I cave every time. I don't know if it is the fear of being alone again, of having to find another place to live, or of simply just wanting the fight to be over, but almost immediately afterwards I regret my decision. How can I stop doing this?!!! We had another talk recently and I woke up the very next morning regretful, wishing I had just broken it off like I once again told myself I would. I have tried everything!!! I have considered it all, where I would be in 10 years time if I continue like this etc - EVERYTHING - but I still can't muster up the strength to leave. I hate the thought of him hating me. He is a good man and does not deserve this. He has put up with too much already. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Renee okc  +, writes (23 July 2009):
Sorry for your situation, Maybe you should try writing him a letter and explaining how you feel and that you wont be able to continue a relationship with him. If he is making it this hard for you to get out, then he knows what he is doing and he is just playing with your emotions that is why he keeps asking you those cave questions. Look at it this way all this time you are dragging your feet with him your Mr Right could be passing you by and you don't want that do you.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (23 July 2009):
 Well, I am going to ask you a question. Not really anywhere in your post did I see that you had even considered couples counselling.What I am trying to say is that is even though you say you aren't in love with him, do you realize that for all the time you have been worrying about leaving, that if you at least gave counselling a shot you very may well rediscover why you fell in love with him in the first place?I would at least consider it. You haven't even come close to exhausting your options plus, don't you think since you've been putting him through this that you at least owe him the respect and honesty of at least looking into it before you just completely give up?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): Funny business on old Cupid tonight. Sorry about the duplicate. Anyway, best wishes, hon. I really am on your side. I know these things happen. It is no-one's fault. But, just respect each other, alright? If you need help getting on your own, I am sure he will help you. Just don't keep using him. He will come to resent it and you will come to dislike yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): Tell him the truth, anon. You are punishing him and yourself by pretending. You are trapping the both of you. You obviously need to move on, and you are wasting his valuable time as well. If you no longer love him, give him the freedom to find another life. And get one for yourself. It is always painful, but there is no reason to not end it amicably. At least respect him for the fact that you did once love each other. But, you must do this, and you know you do. If he is a "gent" as you say he is, he will help you get set up in a new place. Do you work? If not, first look and find something that will support you. You cannot expect him to after you break with him. At least I hope you don't!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): Tell him the truth, anon. You are punishing him and yourself by pretending. You are trapping the both of you. You obviously need to move on, and you are wasting his valuable time as well. If you no longer love him, give him the freedom to find another life. And get one for yourself. It is always painful, but there is no reason to not end it amicably. At least respect him for the fact that you did once love each other. But, you must do this, and you know you do. If he is a "gent" as you say he is, he will help you get set up in a new place. Do you work? If not, first look and find something that will support you. You cannot expect him to after you break with him. At least I hope you don't!
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