A
male
age
30-35,
*obby123
writes:Dear Cupids,Happy new year to all of you.I am very lost when it comes to interacting with people.I have always been a reserved person and prefer not to socialize(this is very exhausting to me) but I crave friendships and relationships.I find it very difficult to make new friends or even behave normally with people I do know.For example, one day I'd be able to look at a person and smile and the next day I won't be able to look them in the eye and pretend to be doing something on my phone.I end up giving off a weird vibe as the people I meet in my daily are also confused if they should smile at me or just ignore me as I walk past them. I also hate talking over the phone and talking in general if there's nothing to talk about.I am not able to make small talk.It all seems pointless.I know a lot of people but I don't really have any friends.I would like very much to be part of a groupand to have a girlfriend but I simply do not have that kind of personality or the skills.What should I do to stop emanating this weirdness? How do I become an approachable, likeable guy?Any advise would be much appreciated.Many Thanks! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2016): Engage yourself in more social activities. Always look people in the eye and have a pleasant expression on your face. That takes little to no effort. You don't always have to have a conversation, unless you really have something to talk about; but you can exchange pleasantries with people you do know.
It all takes practice. People for the most part spend a lot of time on their phones and devices. They rarely look into another person's face; because their eyes are always glued to the screen of their phone or tablet. They text instead of talk, and they avoid social situations that require them to exercise charm and use their interactive skills. Even at a party you see everyone looking at their phones instead of laughing, talking, and hooping it up with friends.
When you take their phones away from them, it's like you disconnected their brains. Perhaps that is why you feel "weird." Connecting with people face to face is now difficult. You've lost a little of your ability to be at ease in the presence of others, and to remain consistent in your emotional responses and greetings when approached. Just practice being pleasant. Always greet those who are familiar. Smile and say hello, how are you, or ask them how their day is going. It becomes more natural and comfortable over time.
To make friends you have to insert yourself into groups that gather for whatever reason. Be it at your job, or in family gatherings. You see a pretty lady you like and she's looking your way; simply relax and smile. If you're certain she is alone or not with someone, you can walk over to say hello. Offer her a sincere compliment and have a chat. Same with a guy who seems to have a common interest.
People connect through simple communication. If you're not good at it, you should join social groups and clubs in order to socialize and interact with people. You attend self-help seminars and go to lectures where people gather for entertainment and enlightenment. You share your feelings about the topic of discussion and exchange opinions and phone numbers. You get a social-life by sharing; being visible and accessible to people, my friend.
Don't over-think or over-analyze your "weirdness." You'll force yourself to be too self-aware or self-conscious, and that makes you awkward. Your mind is too much on how you are being perceived; instead of just being friendly and charming. You become robotic and stiff trying to appear otherwise. Trying to create an on-the-spot personality.
Just chill and be yourself. Being relaxed and having a friendly demeanor is all it takes. Be human.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2016): You sound like a classic introvert. Introverts find being around people uses up their energy and day to day interactions can be very draining. They recharge their batteries in their own. They have a lot to offer and can easily build up relationships with extroverts or other introverts. Google info on being an introvert and interacting with people. They actually interact much better through writing ad therefore online. So have you thought about online dating where you can chat to people and build up relationship before you meet them. Good luck
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