A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:DEAR CUPID and everyone else, I've been with my boyfriend for two years now and things are going great I love him with everything but he sometimes does alot of stupid things that really irk me for example he was suppose to meet me and said he was on his way but lied cause he got held up @ work and didn't wanna tell me Cause he thought i was gonna get upset and made me wait for like 2 hours :-/ which made me upset, anyways I'm writing this cause we fight alot well I guess I fight alot.. I got hurt in the past and I just don't wanna let any bs slide even if it's small... I guess maybe I don't know how. I want to be a better girlfriend cause honestly I'm so tired of fighting and arguing and I know my boyfriend loves me but I pretty sure he's not gonna put up with the fighting forever. How do I stop from always fighting ???? Pleaseeee help Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 IF fighting includes physical abuse then get the heck out and do not look back. If it's just "normal" disagreements then try having mediation periods. Write down your views then read each other's view. Should work, does for us
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (30 June 2011):
 People lie because they want to avoid the consequences of the truth.
Your bf lied to you bc he knew you would get upset, so he wanted to avoid your anger.
He was late and got held up at work. Was work a valid reason for being late?
You say you do not want to let things slide, even if they are small. You can speak your mind about how you expect to be treated, but are you losing your self control?
My Mother taught me "pick your battles". Be careful WHAT You decide to argue about! What is REALLY important to you?
Relationships NEED some compromise. You are going to have to let some things slide and you are going to have to show that you can be told something dissapointing without blowing your top.
The more you fight, the more space you will put between the both of you.
Leart to "fight fair" when there is a disagreement.
Keep on topic about what you are upset with.
Keep your emotions COOL or wait until you cool off.
No name calling. No screaming. No scorekeeping or dragging up past incidents.
Example: Tell your bf "If we have plans and you are going to be 10/20/30 mins late (pick a reasonable amount of time you can both agree on!) then call me so I can make other plans/not wait on you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 Well he obviously has faults as well or else you wouldn't be fighting with him. I guess you both need to meet down the middle somewhere. What he done by lying to you was obviously going to hurt you. He needs to start by being completely honest with you and telling you the truth. I'm sure it was him lying that hurt you in the first place. So have a talk with him tell him how you feel explain that he needs to be honest with you at all times in order for this relationship to work.
As for you, well I understand that you have been hurt in the past. But you cannot take it out on your current boyfriend. As the more you pick fights with him the more you will push him away. If something upsets you well then take a deep breath and get some air when you feel you have calmed down then talk to him calmly and explain to him what hurt or upset you.
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