A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I started at 17 (I'm Scottish) but faced some problems due to being young (hallmates didn't want to be friends with someone who couldn't go out etc.) and after a few years ended leaving my course as I was really depressed (family issues too) and my uni was really bad at giving support.I am now 21, working and planning to go back to uni. However, I'll be a mature student when I start again (23) and feel like such a loser because of this. I could have graduated at 20. Also I have a good job but I lost almost a year and half after I left university just depressed at home. I'm scared to see a GP in case my family find out I'm seeing one (still at home due to money issues).How do I stop thinking like this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2015): I went to university when I was 27 and, for me, it was the very best time to go. I had worked for 10 years, so really really appreciated being at university. I appreciated studying for my degree and I appreciated the social life. The 18 year olds on my degree programme appreciated none of it and saw university as an extension of school. The older you are, the more you will get out of it.
I now work at a university and I advise anyone to work for a couple of years before going to university. We have many many students who are in their 30s, 40s, 50s and retired amongst all those 18 year olds. The great thing about university is that there is no age limit.
Also, new graduates aged 21 have hardly any work experience as they went straight from school to university, so finding a job is not as easy for them as it is for someone with work experience. The job market is flooded with graduates - a degree is no longer enough, you need that bit more and work experience is that bit more.
So, as you will have worked in a full-time job before going to university, once you graduate you will be in a far better position when it comes to finding yourself a graduate job.
Work until you are ready to start your degree and then go for it. You will not regret going to university later than all those 18 year olds.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (1 April 2015):
First mistake: using age as a measuring stick for success. The fact you feel like a loser for going to Uni again at 23 just proves how very young that still is. Young people have no concept of time. When you're a kid, imagining yourself as a teen is mythical, and when you're a teen, imagining yourself as an adult is akin to being born at around the same time Jesus was and maybe the dinosaurs. You still seem to be at that stage hun.
When you're older and looking back at this, you'll think: "Why in the world did I let this get to me so much? I was SO YOUNG".
I'll let you in on a little secret society's been keeping from you: there is no timeline, no to-do list to tick off at a certain age. There's no manual for life. Everyone moves at their own pace. Just keep moving. Forwards, backwards, doesn't matter. Just keep trying.
People who sail through life never get to see its dark side and while that might seem nice, they lack an understanding of the world and people.
I was really judgmental of others when I was young because I didn't have any life experience. Then my life started crumbling around me. People dying, huge money problems, etc. It's been a shitty time, but it gave me one thing: understanding and respect. Respect for other people who fall down and get back up again. And the strength to do so myself. Lots of people get older without actually growing up. I had a lot of growing up to do. Still do.
Look at you. You've sought help for your depression and you're getting your life back on track. That's huge! You should be proud of yourself! I am. I am because I know how much effort it takes.
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A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (1 April 2015):
I went to Uni at 27. So I was a mature student too. There is no shame in starting late. Mate, some people NEVER get to go to uni! So you going to uni is amazing at any age! Learning never ends. There is no age limit.I have a 50yr old gentleman on my course and alot of single parents of all ages. Some students are married too. I know you feel down because you had to leave and now have to return since your personal problems are resolved. But you don't have to be. More and more mature students are going to uni. With the recession, alot of people lost their jobs so are resorting to education to help or just to find their dream jobs.I'm worried the way you're feeling may be due to unresolved feelings you have about your personal problems etc. There is no shame admitting you feel down in the dumps and need support. If you do see your GP, no one will know. Patient/doctor privacy means no one will ever find out unless you want to tell them. And that is up to you. But don't worry about your age. I'm MUCH older than you and felt happier at Uni and more confident that I did at school. With age comes more wisdom, knowledge and confidence. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (1 April 2015):
 Firstly,you are not a loser,so please stop beating yourself up!
Second, as previous posters have hinted at - University is wasted on 18-21 year olds.
I work within the university system, and have taught many undergraduate courses and seminars. From a lecturers point of view, it is usually the "Mature" students who are far more interested in what you are saying, and who actually put effort (shock horror) into their work and study. It really is VERY noticeable how differently they attack the work.
They come to a university degree actually WANTING to learn, to work,and to achieve. Something which most teenagers seem to miss the point of completely. Sadly, a large majority of people only go to uni for the social life. Drinking, partying, sex etc. They see it as a right of passage, rather than a place of learning. Which is wrong..... and as a tutor, utterly frustrating and depressing! I would much rather teach interested students who came to it when they were ready, rather than immature children who are too hungover to stay awake.
As for feeling like you will be a freak? DONT. At university there are very large numbers of "mature" students. Far more than you will probably imagine. There are big communities, and social groups to cater for them. Also, there are the post-grads, again of various ages.
When I did my undergraduate degree, there were people of my age (18) but also those of,30 -50s and even retired people! When I did my PhD, there was also a diverse range and I was really one of the youngest.
I know how depression can really drag you down,emotionally and physically. It is no shame to go and ask for help and advice. You may just need a change of scene and help in seeing life in a better way. Your GP is totally confidential, so no one should find out unless you tell them.
See this as a new beginning for you. Go to uni, be confident, and hold your head high. You will get far more from doing a degree now,than you would have done 3 years ago.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 April 2015):
 See your GP, you are over 18, so you should be able to go to the doctor by yourself.
When you DO go back to Uni you won't be the only one over 17 there, MANY people have ti wait a few year before heading there- 23 is not old.. You might ACTUALLY be in a better spot at 23 for studying then you were at 17. WHAT you have to focus on IS going back, not the "loser" part.
You had to take a few years out due to health issues, and THAT is OK.
Or would you rather stay living the life you are now? Maybe that will motivate you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2015): You're in no way a loser. People go back to studying at all ages. I'm about to turn 22 and I've just applied for uni. I took 3 years out to work abroad. You will have grown a lot during your time out, which will give you an advantage over the younger students in your year. I feel more emotionally ready for uni now than when I finished school, and feel this is a better age to begin something so important. Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 April 2015):
 It happens.
I left what we call college at age 21 to get married. I was a senior just 6 months short of my degree.
I went back part time a few years later and did one or two classes a semester while working to get my degree.
It took me a total of 23 years from the time I graduated high school till I got that degree.
That effort got me the GREAT job I have today. I was hired based on the PERSEVERANCE I showed to finish the degree.
You are dong positive things... keep doing them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2015): Yeah, I'm Scottish and went to uni at 24 - with a four year old child and going through a divorce. So, in your mind if you're a loser, then there's no words to describe what I was either, or what I am now or what my daughter is. I came out with a first at 27 years old and immediately got condemned by the conservative government because apparently, as a single parent, I was the 'scum of society' (I quote John Major in his pre-election speech). I worked shit jobs for six years and did a masters part time and got a distinction, worked more shit jobs and did a part time PhD and now have nearly finished my PhD but also, now, finally have a part time job lecturing (which I love) in one of the top universities in the world. Meanwhile my daughter worked shit jobs and did her degree (taking a year out due to financial constraints) and went back as a 'mature student', which is what anyone over 21 is. She graduated with a 2:1 and started more shit jobs. Then she carried on doing the shit jobs whilst doing a masters part time, starting at the age of 25. She is now working in a good, stable job full time and for a reputable, globally operating company, and is almost finished her masters. She will be 27 when she finishes and is also considering doing a PhD in future.We were not meant to do any of this. We were meant to be put in a box in a housing estate and for me to become a heroine or crack addict, have six more children and for my daughter to also become a 'scum of society' single parent and have four kids, making me a crack -addict grandmother. That's what the conservative party intended for us AND if I'd ever given into the names and words they used to describe us, it's what would have happened.INSTEAD both me and my daughter opted for the label MATURE STUDENT. Yes, at times we've both felt like losers. I struggled with depression for decades because it was just so damn hard. Yes it has been one almighty, uphill, swimming against the tide, struggle, with no support in any sense from her Dad and none from my family either. But I have an overwhelming sense of joy and pride every time I remember John Major's words and I look at what she and I have achieved. When people get a glimpse into just how hard this has been and ask me how I've done it I tell them "I'm not Scottish for nothing". Right now, I can see so clearly that you are turning all your strengths and determination and energy inward and negatively upon yourself and you are using the words Mature Student to put yourself down. I know what this feels like, I've done it for years. It's a bad habit we get into. The best thing you can do is go and see a doctor for depression and ask for counselling to help you to re-think your self perception and your perception of being a mature student. It's not clear in your post what you mean re. your family - if you are worried about what your family will think then remind yourself that, if you let your life go down the pan, what they think will be far worse than what they might think if you just go and see a GP. Don;t be fobbed off - some GP's have little empathy and can be very insensitive, others won't be and will understand. So if you don't get a referral for counselling then go and see another one. Also, you say your university was not very good at giving help but they usually do have trained counsellors - so I wonder if it's more a case of you finding it difficult to gain the help you need by bottling things up or hiding away or just not being very committed to asking for help? If so, only a change of approach on your part will help.
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