A
female
age
30-35,
*amous12
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two and a half years. The first year and a half of our relationship, everything was great. He was such a sweetheart and I completely trusted him in all aspects of our relationship. This past February or so, his parents divorced when his father cheated on his mom, and my guy started this huge deal with me about how he was "afraid to hurt me" and basically confessed a bunch of things that I had never expected. He broke up with me the day after Valentine's Day (after having said he loved me and acting totally fine on V. Day). It was incredibly unexpected and completely broke my heart. I then found out that he had been flirting with a girl at school (who, I was also told, had just broken up with her boyfriend because she liked mine).. so that's when the trust left. Turns out, he decided he didn't like the girl because she was a "slut".. Anyway, he started saying sweet things to me again and asked if we could get back together. Of course I still loved him, and after some serious thinking, I agreed. Things were rocky for a while because she would still text him and call him, and she and I even got into it one time (she was trying to convince me that he was saying bad things about me to her). It always upset me, and he would calm me down and tell me that the things she was saying were not true at all. Regardless, because he had hurt me so bad before all of that, I had a really hard time trusting him. Even more importantly, since his parent's divorce, he's been wanting to get into a lot of trouble lately.. and that's just not him. All of a sudden, he wants to party and drink and smoke.. Could it be an affect of his parent's problems? It causes he and I to argue sometimes, and I try to take the things he's been through into consideration, but it's still pretty hard. It's been about 7 months since he and I got back together, and our trust has now been building steadily for a while. When we're together, everything's great again. He's really sweet and I can tell he loves me. I know he has a good heart, and he would never intentionally hurt me, but it still really bothers me to even think about other girls flirting with him (which I've heard from his friends that they do.. a lot). And I've seen text messages from girls that I don't know on his phone saying things like "hey sexy" and other flirty stuff. He doesn't understand why I get mad about it.. and it's not that I think he's going to cheat on me with any of them, but it really bothers me that so many girls like him. He tells me he'll stop talking to them, and will even delete their numbers.It makes me feel bad, but I honestly hate thinking about him at school with a bunch of girls flirting with him all day (we don't go to the same school).. I know I'm pathetic and I need to put the past behind me and trust him like he keeps asking me to, but for some reason, (and even though I know this) I'm having a really hard time excepting the fact that he is going to talk to other girls and have other friends that are girls. We've talked about getting engaged soon, but it scares me to think that I'm always gonna be this paraniod. How do I stop being so possessive and crazy everytime he talks to another girl?
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female
reader, PunkyPippi +, writes (23 January 2009):
 He is acting this way because of his parents divorce. When something has been a part of you for your entire life, and you've had this support group for your entire life and it suddenly goes away, that's a major problem. He wants to know he is still loved, and perhaps that's the reason he talks to so many girls. To know that even though that part of his world is ending, he's still special and wanted.
I think he's doing something to these girls to lead them on. He probably hasn't cheated on you with any of them, but he's obviously given them his number. Why would he do that, if he doesn't want them to call him?
I wouldn't get engaged to him until he sorts his issues out.
Tell him you need to know you're the only one, and that if he's flirting with all of those girls and giving them his number, that says you are NOT the only one.
Some people are just flirtatious, but when you take it to that next level, it's MORE than a flirtation to at least one of the people involved.
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