A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am dating someone for about 6 months now.two months into the relationship, he thought he was still in love with his ex girlfriend. He dumped me and went back to her for about 2 days before he realised that was a stupid move and wanted me back. We got back together, I went out of country for 6 weeks, didn't see him, missed him a lot and realized I wanted to be back with him too. Since my return, we have been better than ever! I even oved in, a hasty decision some may say. I'm old enough to know this. ONE problem, I still worry that he may have contact with his ex so I search his cell phone. I have never foudn anything bad on it until today. I saw that she called him (4 months later). Don't know what she could possibly want. He texted his friend- who doesn't like me fyi and who may be spreading rumours- asking his friend what his ex could possibly want. In his text back to his freind, he said he was going to call her tonight to find out. I am NOT comfortable wiht this. However, I cannot express my uneasiness with him because he has no idea I check his phone. I have trust issues, because of how we started our relationship. I feel sick with worry, confusion, dissapointment in myself, etc. This morning I told him I didn't feel good, he hugged me and told me I was his #1 girl and that he loved only me. I need help on how NOT to be sooooo nosy and how to cope now knowing that he will talk to her on the phone tonight!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Raa  +, writes (15 October 2009):
It sounds as though you have trust issues because you have not been trusting yourself. If you had just found out that he had been checking your phone behind your back how would you feel? It is likely that you would turn around and ask him why he doesnt trust you! Before your emotions spiral out of control think about what he has said to you: that he loves you, only. You can do two things with this statement, believe him and continue the relationship being honest with each other about how you feel, trusting him and yourself - - or choose not to believe him and the end relationship. You have to accept the fact that your boyfriend has history with this girl, just as you have had history with other men before you got together. Concentrate on the present and the future together, and not the past.
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