A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 19, and my partner is 23. He has a six year old son from a previous relationship. The mother split with him as soon as she found out she was pregnant, and is now in a gay relationship. She prevented him seeing his child for 3 years or so after he was born.Now, after being in a serious of verbally, physically and sexually abusive relationships, I am so happy to have found someone who is kind, faithful, gentle, thoughtful and who genuinly loves me. However, I am really struggling with dealing with him having a child. At the beginning of our relationship I spend every weekend with them, went to hospital with them (his son has kidney failure and needs dialysis 3 times a week), drove them to the park, the play centre, the shops, whereever they wanted to go. But I now haven't seen his son for months. He is a lovely kid, but I have slowly grown to hate him. I don't want to see him because I don't want him to pick up on this. I don't hate HIM just the idea of him. I hate that my partner has a child with another woman, and I either have to be weekend mum which at my age I struggle with, or cut all ties. Whenever I am with both of them my partner completely ignores me and I end up just being their taxi driver. He works late during the week so I only see him a couple of nights and spends every weekend with his son.I have never and would never ask him to stop seeing his son, however, I have asked him to cut it back to every other weekend, so we can spend more time together. He said I was being unreasonable, however, I always believed relationships are about compromise, which I am trying to do. I don't want this relationship to end, but I don't know what to do. Am I being unreasonable? How can I deal with this situation better? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PrincipleOfEvil  +, writes (17 October 2009):
 Honestly I think you are very immature. It’s wrong and very selfish of you to try and make him ‘compromise’ on something like this. What makes you so great that you think you deserve the time he would normally be spending with his son? You’re trying to take a father from his son… As a child his son NEEDS him… Stop being such a little brat
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI only found this website today so whoever asked before wasn't me.
So any answers are useful to me as I've not had them before.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 October 2009):
 I didn't give you an answer I asked a question. You've asked this question before a couple of months back I believe. And I also believe the majority of responds said basically what Chrissy just said. You cannot expect your boyfriend to see less of his son. You either accept the situation or you don't. On the bright side things might change in about 12 years or so when the son is grown if you want to stick around that is.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): I am in a relationship with a man who has an 8 year old son. I too have grown to dislike this child because he is there evry weekend and we get no time to ourselves. I totally blame myself for my feelings because I always knew my partner had a child but I didn't realise how much it would bother me. I am a lot older than you but i still don't like it. I don't think you are unreasonable to ask him to cut it down a bit but i doubt that the man would like it. I tried this and he did it but not very willingly and the atmosphere it created was worse that spending time with the child. I too dislike to think that it is his child with another woman so guess for me there is a lot of unresolved jealousy there. I have stopped going round if the child is there and just go shopping, out with my girlfriends or anything so i don't have to spend any time with him. The problem is that the man is always going to put his child first, and ofcourse that's how it should be, but it doesn't make me like it any more. I think you might benefit from a bit of space away from this situation for a while so when you come back to it you may have a different perspective. Probably the only way your feelings will change on this is if you have your own child with him but you may not want to go down that path yet. I would opt out for a while and see if you feel differently in a few weeks. All the best
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt was my friend not realising it would come up in my name...I already know her opinion but chose not to take it yet...
Your answer wasn't very helpful.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 October 2009):
Why are you giving yourself advice?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere was no way I could have known it would have been a problem. I was fine about it until I slowly realised that we have no time together unless I want to spend it with both of them, and even then I end up getting ignored completely.
I am not asking him to stop seeing his son, just to see him every fortnight instead. But he will not budge.
I know I will never come first, but it seems like my opinion doesn't matter at all to him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think you are being unreasonable to ask him to just cut his time back a little.
He needs to understand that compromise is what makes a relationship work.
Ask him again, but if he is not willing to budge you have to accept that this relationship is over.
...............................
A
female
reader, chrissy32789 +, writes (15 October 2009):
 yes you are be unreasonable, when you first got with this guy you knew he had a kid, and if you was not ready to be in a relationship wit a guy that has a kid, then you should of never got with him in the first place, as a parent your kid will always come before someone else and for you to hate his kid, why dont you just tell your boyfriend that you can not accept the fact that he has a kid by someone else and just be friends, because your going to be in that kids life weather you like it or not, as long as you are with his dad. so either you accept his son to or just leave this guy.
...............................
|
