A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm getting increasingly irritable with my mother and I don't know what to do. She hasn't done anything bad to me at all and I feel like such a bad person for just getting annoyed by the things she says :(I used to be such a happy and laid back person, some bad things have happened to me in the past few years and now I feel like I'm grumpy all the time.I share custody with the father of my children, he left me after 8 years and got married to somebody else within months and my mother just hates him.On Sunday she asked me if I wanted to go to hers with the children, I couldn't get hold of their dad as he was picking them up from mine in the afternoon but there was no answer. I had to tell my mother that we couldn't go as if he came to collect them he would have no idea where we were.She thought he was ridiculous because I couldn't get hold of him saying if there was an accident I wouldn't be able to phone him. She was screeching down the phone and wouldn't let me get a word in edgeways. It really bugs me that she keeps going on about him and putting him down, I split up with him 5 years ago and she won't let it go.She texts me and uses words I've never heard her say in my life trying to sound like she's a teenager or something. She asks me to book time off work all the time to do things with her, she's asked me to go to hers for Christmas dinner and I really don't want to go.I hate feeling this way about her and I can't seem to be laid back about anything any more. I had a brilliant childhood, I used to really like going to see her but now I feel irritated by everything she says.How can I stop being like this!! I know that she gets fed up of her mother, but my nan isn't a very nice person, she was awful to my mother when she was young and is quite rude. I'm in my 30's now and just wondering do people feel this way as they get older! Help me be more chilled out!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2015): I'm going through something similar. My mother tends to be a bit negative. So I started telling her "look I don't need any negativity right now. Things are tough enough. I need positive thinking and a positive attitude. Love you. Thank you."
First time I said it to her she looked at me like I was crazy. But now I say it every time she says something negative. And even right before she going to say something. And honestly it's working. She now thinks before she speaks.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 December 2015):
 It is understandable that you don't want your mother talking about the father of your children and putting him down all the time. Your break up is in the past and it sounds like you have dealt with it, I would be annoyed if I were in your shoes as well.
You need to be honest with your mother. Tell her that he is still the father of your children and that you don't want to hear her putting him down. Also if you don't want to go to her for Christmas dinner well then just be honest and say no you are staying at home. Its time to start being honest with her instead of building everything up so now you just feel annoyed with her all the time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2015): your mum is pushing your buttons and getting on your nerves and she is overstepping her jurisdiction in your life.
She is annoyed that their are other people and other arrangements to consider and her efforts at being a trendy confidante or ex slaggeroff are just irrritating as you have already moved on and are mentally far ahead.
You are going to have to set out some groundrules so that the family runs smoothly enough.
Your mum may think she is old and past it and now has another grandmother to compete with but she needs to step back a little and be a little less demanding.
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