| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and I have now been dating for a little more than two years. We have had a long distance relationship for most of this time, but plan to get married upon her graduation in 2008. Recently, she started a travel abroad program in the UK. Being an avid traveller myself, I took the opportunity to work abroad as in southern Asia. (I should point out that i am 4 years older than her)When she got to the UK, i found out that her "group" (americans at the same school) of friends consisted almost entirely of boys. In particular, there is one guy with whom she hit it off with and with whom she accordingly spends a lot of time. He is from her school, but they did not know each other previously.I know that if we really are meant to be together, it shouldnt matter how much time she spends with him. However, my concern is that over the course of travelling throughout europe and morocco she will form a bond with him that i cant rival while living in asia, especially since i dont want to seem obtrusive (and controlling) and call her when she's travelling (every weekend and break). How can i keep from being overly jealous that this guy gets to travel through europe for 4 months with my gf when i know that, as the french say, "far from the eyes, far from the heart?"(and a note: i work 7 days a week, so i dont have a tremendous amount of time to submerge myself in a lot of new relationships, although that would have been optimal)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): Here are your answers to JEALOUSY! Check out this awsome audio-article on jealousy. http://www.womensselfesteem.com/jealousyaudioarticle1.html
A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (14 January 2007):
 I think you're doing the right thing in not being controlling, that would probably make her ticked off.
But you could call her to tell her that you miss her, and to report of all the amazing stuff you've seen in south Asia. I'm sure she'd appreciate to hear from you.
You also could write her emails with a poem or something. I used to love getting letters and emails from my boyfriend. Especially letters, because it's something that he actually touched, but it might be a bit difficult for you to get them to her if she's traveling all the time.
"Far from the eyes, far from the heart" is not necessarily true for everyone, but long distance relationships are hard.
To keep you from thinking dark thoughts, here's another saying: "absence makes the heart grow fonder".
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (14 January 2007):
 Well, at least you recognize the problem. That is important. I have to say that I understand and would probably feel the same way. I'm not justifying your concerns or saying they're valid, I'm only saying it's understandable.
I would handle it this way. If your girlfriend is a sincere, loving partner who values you, she'll understand. Sit down with her and tell her your fears. Tell her how much you value her and desire her to be in your life. Tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable about the situation and let her know exactly why. Here is the hard part. You still have to let go. I would just put the burden on her, for lack of a better term. What I mean is this. Tell her you want her to experience the world, have fun, meet people etc. But let her know that sometimes people do find themselves in situations where they are attracted to others (this may not even be the real case) Tell her, if she ever finds herself in this situation that she let you know before things happen.
Set boundaries. These are important. There is no doubt when people spend lots of time together, they become closer. Things can happen. That is the truth. It happens at work, school,church, clubs, neighbours etc. All the time. That is the risk we take in life. Afterall, you can't control someone. The more you try, the more they will resent you and eventually revolt. You sound like a reasonable guy. Some people would jsut try to clamp down on their partner. They'd say, "you're not going" That works for some people.
Others may tell you that you're insecure and blah blah...... You're not. These are two young friendly people who will be spending alot of time together at an age where people experiment and test the waters. It has NOTHING to do with any insecurity on your part. What some people call insecurity is in fact your natural defence mechanism telling you that your partner is in a situation that could go bad. This is the truth. It's very primal but true.
In closing, you have to role the dice. She afterall, is entitled to her plans. What your're concerned about could be the last thing on your mind. As a man though, your're well aware of what other men think. This is a generalization but true. Again, set reasonable boundaries,express your love and expectations and ask for honesty. Don't though, look desperate. Be strong and tell he you wish her the best on her travels. One more thing, she's away and surrounded by strangers. She onlu knows the people in her group that are mostly male. Who is she supposed to hang out with? These are the only people she knows. What would you do if the situation was reversed?
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