A
female
age
36-40,
*essedup10
writes:ok so i decided to set up an account and see if i could get some advice because i really dont know what to do.i was with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years and we had some really really great times.we broke up 7 weeks ago.the ting was i was very selfish and its only now that were not together that ive realised how selfish i was. i took her for granted everything was about me and what i wanted everthing was on my terms like for example if she wanted a hug i wouldnt hug her or if she wanted to cuddle and i didnt we wouldnt cuddle. i pushed her away so much that she went and had a a fling with someone else. i dont hate her because it was totally my fault i pushed her into another persons arms.the thing is we are still in regular contact text messages and meeting up but she has told me that she doesnt know what she wants at the moment she doesnt want a relationship with anyone but she also said she doesnt know if she could ever give me another try she said that i ruined everything that she loved me so so much and i should have showed her when we were together that i loved her instead of waiting for everything to be the way it is to try and show her. she says that she is not attracted to me the way she was because of the way i treated her. i did treat her really bad and i have realised how bad i treated her and she will never know how sorry i am for the way i treated her. i told her tonght that i wanted a second try and that things would be so different and she said how would they be different that things would go back to the way they were and she cant handle that...how do i show her that she is the world to me and that without her i am nothing. she holds the key to my heart. how do i show her that im worth a second shot or do i just move on and let her be. she said to me that i havent really fought for her but i tough it would be better to give her space and decide herself what she wants. i just dont know what to do do i leave her to get on with her life or do i fight for her. please help me
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female
reader, messedup10 +, writes (13 March 2010):
messedup10 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe're both girls. I said to her today that we could go out to the movies or for a drink and just see what happens she was like im not good today we do it another time that there is no rush. she said we could do something during the week.
A
female
reader, messedup10 +, writes (13 March 2010):
messedup10 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for ur replies. i have spoken to her today by text and although she didnt say she wanted me back she did say that she wanted to see if she could feel for me the way she used to. she says she doesnt know whether she doesnt feel the same for me because of the time apart and trying to convince herself that she was better off without me or whether she really doesnt feel the same for me. i really did hurt her and i know i hurt her and i can never change the fact that i did hurt her. i want her to be ok and make everything ok for her i just dont know how to fight for her. im afraid to smoother her i dont know whther to go to her house or just leave her be. she said that she was not good company today that she needs space so do i give her space or not. im not very good with these situations. i do love her so much and want whats best for her. how do i show her that
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 March 2010):
 If you think she is worth a second shot, you should go all out for it .Fight for her with your soul ,spirit and body. Take everything that is thrown into your path.
You need to prove to her that you have changed and make sure that you don't fall back into your old habits again.
In time , she will open up to you again.
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo  +, writes (13 March 2010):
 You need to try and spend some time together as friends, only if this is what she wants to do, and then she will be able to see for herself if she thinks your behaviour is any different than it was before, this would be the easiest way without her having to commit to being back in a relationship with you, unfortunatly even if you do do this and she does believe you have changed it does not mean that she will want to get back with you and if that happens as hard as it is you have to let her go (and trust me i know how hard that is). good luck and please tell me how it goes =]
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A
female
reader, pandabird  +, writes (13 March 2010):
 Fight for her, all a girl wants from a boy she loves is to have him show her that she is everything to him, that he is nothing with her, that her smile is more important than oxygen... of course, only if he really means it.
And sit her down and have the most honest conversation of your life, even if it makes you massively uncomfortable.
I don't know what specifically you can do, because I obviously don't know her.
If you love her that much, you will think of something :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010): Hey,
From what you said it seems like she is using the fact that you treated her badly to keep you on a lead. If you really did treat her as bad as you say you did and she didn't like it, I would have thought she would have moved on by now. It appears as if she is just on a big ego trip trying to get you to show her ho much you still love her 'She said to me that I haven't really fought for her''
As the same time however, she is does not seem like she will give you a chance even if you DO show her that she means something to you. I guarantee that the more you 'show' her your true feelings and the more you 'fight' for her the more she will demand of you emotionally.
You could be showing her your love with nothing in return for a long while.
The best thing to do in your case is to directly tell her in one conversation how you feel, what you want out of the relationship, what you would be willing to change in order to make things better. THEN I would leave the decision to her. Let her call and tell you that she wants to give it another shot. YOU do not call ever again. If she really wants to get back with you she will let you know, if she just wants her ego stroked then you will get a call saying that you havent fought hard enough and that you havent let her know how things will change etc.
Also, it seems like she is trying to justify her cheating. So you didn't hug her when she wanted or get cuddles. Thats enough to go with another guy?
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (13 March 2010):
 It may be possible to rescue.
Write her a letter apologising, give your reasons why you pushed her away and tell her you miss her very much. Also say if she gives you a second chance you will behave better in future. Make the letter genuine words from your heart, dont type it, hand write it.
Put the letter in a sealed envelope, go to a good Florist shop and order her some nice flowers (not too cheap, but not too expensive) for delivery. Ask the florist to include your letter with the flowers. Write out a gift card.
Once they have been delivered to her, sit back and wait.
This will show your sorry and have thought about her too. If you do get back togehter, pay more attention to her in future, be more thoughtful to her. Listen to her, really listen. Do little things for her, suprise her from time to time with a small silly gift it doesnt have to be expensive. It will take her some time to build back her trust in you, just give it time and it will work out if you love each other.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010): Dear friend,
First let me congratulate you to your courage of facing what you are perceiving a a mistake. It takes a lot of guts to do that!
I have been in a similar situation with a man, and he treated me VERY poorly due to his own problems, and to this day he has not brought up the courage to admit it and ask me for forgiveness. He chooses to be proud instead.
I would like you to know that what you are doing is a very wonderful thing to do, it takes a lot of maturity to face a mistake, admit it and ask for a second chance.
Though the outcome cannot be predicted, if you feel that she holds the key to your heart, I would recommend to fight tooth and nails for it, but that being said, not to the point where she feels that her emotional boundaries are being compromised.
It takes a fine balance between persistence, and letting the other person breathe.
Once again, I congratulate you on your decision and your courage to be willing to fight for your love - though in the end, it all comes down to allowing love that is there to be.
If you couldn't do it before - like so many of us cannot through past hurts - you can now make the choice to let go of emotional walls and face what lies behind them:
A truly beautiful loving courageous heart that wants to share.
God bless you.
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