A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I need some help and advice. I have been with the same girl for three years. I met her online, and moved from Ohio to Las Vegas to be with her back in 2005 (we started dating and had a successful long term relationship at the beginning). Back in February of 2006, we moved in together and have been living together ever since. Our relationship has not been 100% perfect like I wish it had been, but we had a lot of fun. The past couple months though, we kept having the same talk about how I needed to change some things every so often, and that if I didn't change she was going to leave. Well, I have been in the process of changing, but I guess it wasn't fast enough, and she broke up with me two weeks ago. We're still living together and plan to do so until probably the end of summer. However, I still want this relationship to work. She told me that she wants to be left alone right now and that she needs her space. It's kind of hard to do that still living together, but I've been going out a lot to either a family member's house or to a friends, but I come home to sleep and such. We only have one car, so I still drive her to work and pick her up.. so there are times when we need to be together. The only thing I can think of is to not talk to her unless she wants to talk to me, and just be in a different room from her when I am home. She told a friend that I have not given her the chance to miss me, so I am trying to do that now.One of the things that she complained about though is that she likes little things done, like getting flowers, me leaving notes, cooking romantic dinners, etc. I used to do that stuff every now and then, but not very often. I want to change that and show her that I am capable of doing those sorts of things. I tried doing it the other day and she got upset with me and said I had the chance to do these things when we were together and that it doesn't mean anything now. She says I am only doing it because she is mad and upset with me and that it will not last if we got back together. If I do those things and it upsets her, of course I'm going to have to stop, but at the same time if I do stop, then she'll think she was right about it not lasting.As much as I hate feeling like this, it has been good for me because it has opened my eyes to everything that was wrong in our relationship and I realize what needs to be done to fix those things. I may have made the same mistake in the past by not changing fast enough, but I have changed and am ready to put a lot more effort into making this work for us.I had to give some background information in order for the situation to fully be understood. How do I go about showing her that I still love her and want things to work, while still giving her the space that she wants right now? How do I prove to her that I am not being nice and doing the little things that she likes just because she is upset, and that I want to continue to do those for her? How do I show her that I want to fix and will fix everything that was wrong in our relationship so we can still be together? All I would need is just a few days back together for her to realize that I have changed. We don't even need to be together for that, but I want her to actually see the change.Please help me out. I really want to make this relationship work because I love her so very much, and I think she still cares and has some sort of feelings for me too. I mean we were together for three years. All I want is one more chance with her. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it.
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female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT  +, writes (14 June 2007):
 You said that you think she still cares and has some kind of feelings for you so the only real way to know is to go for it hun, if its you she wants she will let you know, good luck x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the quick response. I only have one question left for you then. How long do I wait before doing something like that? I mean how long do I let her have her own space and me not being around so much before I attempt something such as what you suggested? The funny thing is I wanted to do something like that for her, but I didn't know how she would react, and I didn't want to push her even farther away. But I honestly feel that it could work. Thanks again Donna!
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (13 June 2007):
What a sad letter you wrote there. You have got yourself into quite a state. Well how to put this? If the trimmings of a relationship are so very important to her – the romance and flowers that sometimes (but not always) come at the start of a relationship – then I’m not sure that this relationship is built to last. Those things are lovely, don’t get me wrong, and it’s nice to receive them spontaneously. But they really aren’t that important. If you really love someone, then you can manage without them just fine. She has a romantic idea of how relationships should be – I’m guessing she isn’t very old yet – and feels short-changed because she can’t hear the violins playing in the background when you are together. She thinks (wrongly), that the previous lack of flowers showed that you didn’t care. If she does have some more serious complaints, then all you can do is tell her face to face – once only - that you have changed. If you’ve already done that then back off completely. Start going out with your mates much more, enjoy yourself, make plans that don’t involve her. Don’t just go elsewhere just to get out of her hair – that sounds kind of pathetic and probably isn’t adding to your appeal. When you are around her, be friendly but more distant. I don’t mean sit in another room necessarily. Find things to do which you become so absorbed in that you don’t (seem!) to notice that she’s there any more. Right now, she feels boxed-in and is lashing out to keep you at a distance. Make it easy for her. She might change her mind – I doubt it – but you will feel better anyway. And if this one doesn’t work out, you will get over it. How irritating to have to read this kind of remark, when it’s the last thing you want to do. But – when you are over it and you find someone new, make an effort, but don’t try too hard. By the way “some sort of feelings for you” isn’t good enough. You are worth more than that. Good luck sweetheart – I think she’s making a big mistake – but it’s her choice.
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (13 June 2007):
Ah honey,
I think all men forget the little things us ladies love at times but that doesn't mean they don't care does it?, I think every now again is fine otherwise it would get boring and would not be a suprise....
I really don't think you need to prove to her how much you love her I am sure she knows that deep down, maybe she does need her space right now, why don't you do something really nice one evening cook a meal, nice music, candles etc....sit her down and tell her how much she means to you and that you love her so much then tell her to follow the sprinkled rose pettles leading to the bedroom where she will find a bunch of her favourite flowers with a card saying something like: This is a taste of things to come, I love you so much please give me another try? Then you walk in the room with two glasses of bubbly hand it to her and see how she reacts....
We all take each other for granted a times but if we truely love one another we take the good with the bad, wishing you all well babes she is a very very lucky girl to have a man who loves her so much and is prepaired to do anything to make her happy.
Please let me know how you get on good luck x
Donna x
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A
male
reader, Mad-Hat-Matt +, writes (13 June 2007):
well in my opinion the best way to find out if there is any chance of you 2 getting bak 2gether is by talking to her cook her a meal and tell her your going to do it because you need to talk and try to convince her that you want to try again because your relationship seems worth saving you need to be honest tell her you love her and exactly y you want to b with her she needs to hear it and u need to say it if there isnt another hance then moe on and i no its hard bt it will hav to happen at least you cpuld stay friends bt first take my advice and talk to her hope it all works out all da best
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