A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 11 months and we are absolutely besotted with each other.When we first met, he only worked weekends, and soon after we were together, he lost his job. Despite having a very hard time, we had regular sex. He often initiated it with me and I felt very desired.In november he got a new job. We were really happy that he had money again, but his manager is really useless and his workplace is often understaffed and very busy, which means he has to work very hard and do a lot of overtime. This makes him very tired and understandably, he doesn't want sex as much.I really appreciate that he needs his rest but there is one thing that is bothering me, and the problem is myself and not him.Because my personal situation hasn't changed, I don't get as tired as him so my sex drive is higher than his. And sometimes, if I try and initiate sex, he is too tired and I don't mind that because it's not his fault. The thing is, whenever he turns me down or is too tired, I feel really guilty and dirty for having wanted sex. I feel ashamed like I shouldn't want it. And this feeling just makes me even more frustrated... It's really upsetting me and I wish I didn't want sex as much as I do because then I wouldn't feel dirty.How do I shake this feeling?
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female
reader, arie  +, writes (7 May 2010):
 i disagree with the fact that sex is important in relationships because there are other ways to share intimacy. u really have to understand that its not that he doesn't want sex, ya'll probably have it enough to the point where is doesn't need it so often so i think u should also be more supportive with him and his job and mabe give him a massage after work, mabe cook him something or offer a foot rub. just be more supportive
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): You are not dirty. You are looking to fill a very healthy need. Sex is important to relationships. I'm sure he still desires you and would like to fix this situation. Talk to him openly about how it makes you feel. Work with him to find possible solutions. Maybe get up earlier in the morning for sex after he's had a good night's sleep. Maybe he'll have better solutions.
By the way, we men also end up feeling like we're dirty or jerks when we try to initiate with our wives and get rejected. Someday when you have young kids, your roles may be reversed in this problem. It would be good for both of you to remember how it felt to be on the other end of this dilemna. Talk to him, be patient with each other and don't give up.
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