A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm living in what most people would think to be an unorthodox way. I share a house with my best friend who is a man and i'm a woman.Me and my best friend have been very close for years. We've been through a lot together.It has worked out really well for us in the past, just recently that we've started having trouble.My best friend has a girlfriend. At first I made a huge effort with his girlfriend. I realise that it is probably an unusual situation for her to have to deal with. I invited her round to watch films and really hoped that me and her could've become really close too. I don't have a lot of female friends but I love shopping and doing girly things.He says she is just shy, but the way she acts is really rude. She doesn't speak to me unless I speak first. She does little things that I consider her trying to get at my friendship with my best friend. She sometimes just completely blanks me in my own house.I was in a relationship myself at the start of the year with a man that I've liked for a long time but it didn't go very well and I was heartbroken when it ended.My best friend was so wrapped up in his girlfriend he really didn't notice that I was going through a rough time. I know it's not his job to fix my problems so instead of sitting around in my room crying, which was what I quite pathetically was doing, I decided that since I was feeling very lonely with no-one about I would do something about it.I decided to work abroad for the summer. Thinking that a bit of fun and some new friends would help me get over a few things.It really did help and I feel much better about myself now, rebuilt a lot of confidence in myself and I came home brimming with happiness ready to give it another go at sorting my life out.I came back recently and now my best friend literally has no time at all for me.He stands up things he says we will do together and does them with his girlfriend instead. He has started being friends with people that I was really close to and now they all seem to prefer him and his girlfriend. I don't want to be malicious or resentful. I just want everyone to be happy. Sometimes I feel that I'm the only person making an effort to make things work and when he lets me down I get mad at him. Then everyone seems to think I'm being unreasonable.I don't want to ruin his relationship with his girlfriend, even though we don't particulary get on. I've restarted trying to make an effort with her but it feels like bashing my head off a brick wall.Everytime I try something seems to go wrong.How do I rebuild my friendship with my best friend without damaging his relationship?Also, how to bond with the girlfriend that really doesn't seem to want to bond with me?Sometimes I think I'd be better off just leaving and letting them all get on with it. I have a friend who lives in another city who wants me to go and share a house with him instead. I like my other friend but prefer my best friend even though I'm a bit upset with him at the minute. I don't want to just dump my best friend the moment things get difficult. I also think that if i move in with my other friend the same thing might happen again except then I'd be in another city with no other friend and no family about.Sorry if that was a bit long. I've really simplified some stuff and left out quite a lot of detail to stop it being an essay. Any advice would be welcome :)
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best friend, confidence, has a girlfriend, heartbroken, shy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the answer.
It's helped me to speak to people who aren't involved.
Maybe you are right, think i'll start considering where i could go and see how things go from there.
Thank you again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the answer.
It's helped me to speak to people who aren't involved.
Maybe you are right, think i'll start considering where i could go and see how things go from there.
Thank you again.
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A
female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (30 October 2007):
 Wow, it sounds like his girlfriend is being a real B****. It sounds to me like she is making no effort to get along with you or to have a relationship with you at all. Now, that is were I think your best friend should come in and encourage her to accept you and at least try and get along with you and if that does not work at least you and her made a sincere effort. But either way she should be polite and respectful to you in your house whether she likes you or not. You should sit him down and talk to him and be honest about how you feel. Then maybe he can talk with her and you guys can work things out. I hate that women can be so petty and childish at times he can not force her to be a friend to you but he can at least encourage it. If he doesn't think she at least has to be polite to you then maybe it is time for some new living arrangements!
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