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female
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anonymous
writes: One of my best friends is blaming herself for our guy friend's drug overdose. He asked her out not long before he o/d'd, and she turned him down. I've tried to assure her that it wasn't her fault, but she insists that she "pushed him over the edge". She won't talk about it all that much because she says that it would just make her cry (and it would probably make me cry, too, because I feel her pain. I've got regrets about this guy, too...just a different kind). I can tell that she really feels guilty about it. Whenever someone talks about him, she seems really eager to change the subject. How can I assure her that it's not her fault (well...not entirely, anyway)?
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female
reader, Shimmer +, writes (2 July 2006):
When someone close dies, there's often a period when we blame ourselves for what happened, or for not doing more to stop it. I remember when my grandfather died my nanna felt it was her fault because she felt she didn't do enough to help him. Of course, there was nothing she could have done to prevent it but she still kept wondering "what if I had done this or that?" even though it seemed unreasonable to everyone else that she would blame herself! Grief just does weird things to people in different ways.
Some people find talking about their grief helps them, some people find it too upsetting to talk about it. I think you should just try and be there for your friend and don't try and get her to talk about it unless she wants to. This is something she needs to and obviously wants to work through herself. She will probably realize in time that it wasn't her fault in any way that her friend OD'ed. Right now, she just can't see that because of the grief clouding her perception and no amount of convincing is likely to help right now. This is something that time can only heal. Try and be a good friend to her and be there for her in the meantime. If she wants to talk about what happened, she will. Try your best to get her mind off things. Take her out, do something fun, and try and avoid the topic of the friend. In time, she will come to her own realization that what happened was no-one's fault. All the best.
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female
reader, sammie +, writes (2 July 2006):
 hya well i think in a situation like this it is very hard to convince someone that it is not there fault i no this i have a friend who was the same i think all you could do really is just keep reasuring her it wasnt her fault and just be there for her if she needs to talk to someone or even if its just a shoulder to cry on then im sure she will see in time a good friend is for life and i think thats what she needs time is a great healer and she will be ok in time if you stick with her hope this helps samx
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