A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have the possibility to study abroad for 4 months. This represents a big opportunity to experience different things, help me get a diploma that will help me with my career and be fun/exciting in general. I really want to go, my mind is already set on that. All i need to do is start the whole administrative process to do this, but before doing it i want to have a serious talk about it with my bf of 3.5 years. I started to speak to him about it, but his reaction was very negative. He tells me that if i go it's as if we are separating, was really upset and then he left without kissing me goodbye like we usually do (the conversation was done in 1 min basically). I'm guessing that his initial reaction was due to surprise. I'm letting it cool off for the day but then i want to speak more about it with him. I think he is also maybe trying to guilt-trip me, but it's not working. About our relationship: we are most of the time on the same wave length (fun, activities, talks, sex) but on the few times we are in big conflictual situations we usually never end up in agreeing. I am someone with tendencies of low self-esteem so up to now i was usually caving in as i end up feeling that i'm the one at fault and that i just want to make my bf happy (so he ends up getting what he wants). However since i've been going to therapy, i think i am feeling more confident with who i am: when we do argue, i have stopped apologizing, feeling like im the unreasonable one and don't let him have the upper hand anymore (therapy is working i guess). I want to be brief cause i wasnt ready for the background story to be too long but how can i try to make him see in a positive light this study abroad?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for all your responses! All your support is really helping me out with getting rational thoughts. Right now things are not looking good in my couple as we both want different things, we are talking about it and have not arrived to a conclusion yet as to what will happen to our relationship, but it really hurts as it's not looking good however im standing my ground. i don't feel isolated in this crisis and that's whats helping me keep my head together i think.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (17 August 2012):
 If there is no direct benefit to him he won't see it in a positive light no matter how you explain it. The more you appear to care what he thinks the more influence he will try to exert.
What you need to do is be confident about the choice your making and be prepared to let your boyfriend go if that's what it takes. Nothing ventured nothing gained. If you're not willing to risk losing your boyfriend then you cut your options down considerably.
I think it's a good idea and a great opportunity. Good luck with it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (16 August 2012):
 4 months is Nothing. On the other hand, if after 3.5 years he feels he can't get by for .3 years, perhaps he should be talking to you about a more permanent relationship?
Separations are not necessarily a bad thing. They can serve to strengthen a relationship. It can also let you both know that you can stay true without being watched every day.
Separations are not what they used to be. Now you have instant e-mail communication, and Skype type communication. Just make sure you do your studies first!
Really you are doing the best thing to give him a day to think about it. I wouldn't back down if he threatens to leave over it. Your attitude should be that You thought your relationship was strong enough to handle a 4 month separation.
FA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 August 2012):
 Tell him straight out, that this is something you want to do, something you have dreamed of doing, and now you have the chance.
Tell him that you think the relationship is strong enough for 4 months apart, though NOTHING stops him for coming to visit.
Do this for you. Go abroad and study. A happy healthy relationship can survive 4 months apart.
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