A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm dating a woman 10 years my junior who has a lot more experience than me. She has made it clear that she enjoys rougher sex (she revealed her safe word on our first date) but I don't really know where to start. My previous partners (and me, by extension) all preferred the quieter "making love" session.She's concerned about pushing me too far but I have no idea where my limits might be. She clearly feels like her tastes run to the extreme and is hesitant to even give suggestions. How do I ramp up the intensity? I feel locked into my old habits and would really appreciate examples on how to break out. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009): Hi, You say she likes a hand on her throat and she wants to be dominated. Have you tried some light bondage like tying her hands to the bed, maybe blindfolds and gags. it gives you control as she won't know what you are doing. Also if you were uncomfortable about putting your hand on her throat then use a pillow. it makes it hurt a little less but still restricts movement enough. My boyf usually uses the pillow just to shut me up. I think you should try watching some amateur porn together to see what turns you both on. You may find you like some of what you see and you can also see what turns her on.
Good luck xx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): OP here.Thanks for the responses. Talking dirty is definitely out - it would sound utterly ridiculous coming from my mouth and would be guaranteed to ruin the mood.I think if she let loose there'd be a lot of dominating, or at least aggression, in both directions. But she does clearly wants to be dominated and like you said, telling someone what to do wouldn't be much fun. A hand on her neck does wonders. I need to find a way to be comfortable within myself to do more. So if someone has worked through their hangups in this regard, I'm all ears.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): Could you give a bit more info about what kind of rough and extreme she wants? Does she want to be submissive and have you dominate her?
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A
male
reader, Gurner69  +, writes (7 November 2009):
Have a drink and drop a viagra for moral support! If your not into talking dirty then dont do it cus without confidence it doesnt work. Maybe go down on her from behind and try eating her ass out or put some porno on and see what she likes. In fact just talk about what she likes, if your not open in the bedroom with each other the relationship will not last I swear.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): I think it's great that you're willing to explore this to please your girlfriend. Because of your lack of experience in this kind of thing, she should be the one to help you. But I suspect that if she's not it's because if you want someone to dominate you, telling them what to do sort of ruins it. But she should at least help you get started.
I can't really tell you how you get started. I have that side to me but I've never put it into practive. I do however have a suggestion. There is a website that I know of that has a very active BDSM message board. There are bound to be tons of very experienced people who'd be more than willing to help you. I don't know if it's allowed to post links on this site so if you email me I'll tell you the address.
I'm sure it would at least give you a few ideas. One of the people from that site is an agony aunt here, so hopefully she'll see this and be able to help you too.
Best of luck.
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