A
male
age
36-40,
*ammy james
writes:Im 21 one and my friend for just 6 months Joe(exactly 1 year and 1 day younger than me) shes one of the best and closest mates Ive ever had we're very alike in our manourisms which is I feel is reason why Ive got to know and trust her so well which is somthing considering I said "I would never trust a women ever again" To say the least Ive not had a lot of luck in relationships but she helped me loads being very caring and supportive which couldnt have come at better time because I got kicked out of my parents lost my job tured to drink and drugs got into £1500 debt she said I could stay at hers (3months)we've slept together but never had sex Its safe to say that the days of sleeping around for me are over Ive stopped drinking still smoke puff ocaisionally cleared £300 debt and 2 weeks ago moved to a flat just up the road from her I owe it all to her that I didnt kill myself and we recently confessed our love for each other on a night out with her dad we were quite drunk and she said "I would kiss you but Im scared u get bored and cheat on me and that after the stuff her ex-husband done to her (very sick and twisted stuff) she could never b in relationship again" she says she trusts me more than anyone but she wont let go of her past to take our friendship to the next stage we are very open with each other so she must know how I feel I worship and adore her I would love to marry her I know I would never hurt her ever how do I prove Im sencere guy I would just kiss and tell but Im scared the thought of being in a relationship will freak out and then I will lose her but what if she finds someone else
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debt, drugs, drunk, her ex, her past Reply to this Question
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male
reader, jammy james +, writes (20 June 2007):
jammy james is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell me and Joe are not talkin It all started when she was on a coke and speed come down after she spent the night with this guy she's been shagging he asked her out she said no though but she's still seeing him I dont mind her being with other guy's but I can't stand seeing her taking drugs they have an awefull affect on her she suppost to take anti depressants and they mix with class A's they have made her realy paranoid we went for a meal together nothing seriouse just a chance to catch up on things she was so scared she was going to die she looked so ill all I said was be carefull with this guy she thinks I'm jelouse I've stopped being intimate with her normally we hold hands and hug but I just can not do it no more she I think she took this badly she kept appologising for being a bad friend to me this realy upsets me I thought we had something special that nothing could come between us then she said come back to hers she wanted me to look after her but I said nothing personal but I dont want to go to yours it has a bad vibe (can u blame it smelt of sex and booze and there were drugs everywhere) she took this as personal insult which shocked me she always welcome at mine. She say that I'm a bad mate to her, that she not bothered by it though she got this matey and he there for her now which I dont think is true he's fucking her up and she can't see it what can I do to help her she wont listen to me anymore she I know she been slagging me off behind my back I dont care about rumours I just dont like seeing her make the same mistakes I did but when I try tell she just pushes me out she says that she's strong and can look after herself. My head say's wash your hand of her but my heart won't let go I cant give up on her now. I feel shes in such a great need. I'm starting to think if she wont listen to that she needs sectioning or she just going to fuck herself up. I just don't know anymore.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (18 June 2007):
 Both of you have been "lost souls" and have taken refuge in one another. She's helped you with your problems and you've helped her with hers, you've let her see that not all men are like her ex husband and with time she's begun to build up trust with you. The very fact that you could sleep in a bed together and not do anything speaks for itself.
I don't think you've anything to worry about regarding this other guy. If she distrusts men then I can't see her jumping into bed with a guy she's not known long. Just tell her to be careful and you're there for her. If you want to prove to her that you are a better and a changed person then continue to get your debt down, (well done for having paid off £300 of it already), keep your flat clean and tidy and stay off the drink and drugs (abstaining from them will save you money too.) You could always invite her to your flat for a meal one night and be the perfect gentleman, again letting her see that chivalry is not lost. Continue to talk to her and listen
You both seem to have something "special" there and hey, she's already told you she loves you so who knows what could happen between you in the future. Sort yourself out, be there for her and the rest, in time will follow.
Eve
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A
male
reader, jammy james +, writes (17 June 2007):
jammy james is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI went and spoke to Joe just now and she is with a guy she met last month she says hes realy fit I know there probably at it right now they were both quite pissed I have to admit to being a tad jealouse but I know this is silly because I know that nothing could come between us as friends because we are very close and I will respect 100% any decision she makes even if I might not like it so I am going to conserntrate on my own wellbeing first! which is somthing Ive not done enough of latley but I do worry she will get into to trouble sleepin around PS thank you to Daniele Pew and Dr Pete for ur advice it is first class stuff keep up the good work
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2007): Do you think you may lack self-confidence and belief in yourself? Anyone that knows that they are sincere doesn't worry that other people might not see it. Genuine, sincere people do really stand out, she probably knew you were safe straight away of meeting you which is why she has allowed a friendship to develop between you both.
I think though if someone has issues then it doesn't matter how great you can be, it will not change the way they perceive relationships. In fact it can only serve to confuse and hurt you. Not all people equate emotional closeness with warm and loving feelings. Those who are abused equate it with fear and control.
Maybe it would be more safe to carry on being friends and see how thing develop? But try and remember to take care of yourself too when it comes to this women.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 June 2007):
 Man, this is a tough one. The problem is not your being sincere; if she's a close friend of yours, my guess is that she already knows this very well. The problem is her not being able to trust you. You can't do anything about this.
If I were you, I would stick to her as a friend, and continue to be as good to her as in all the previous time. If her trust comes naturally, she will approach you. But, bear your own needs in mind, too: give her some time to get over her mistrust for "men in general", and, if she won't, find yourself someone else.
If you cannot handle everything, do just this one thing: don't push her. You will end up pushing her away. Trust me on this one.
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