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How do I not get attached to him?

Tagged as: Age differences, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 February 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 24 February 2009)
A female United States age 41-50, *witchesfan writes:

I've been sleeping with a guy since early this month. It started out as a NSA (no strings attached), but after being with him, chatting with him alot, sleeping with him twice, it's getting more difficult for me to get him out of my head. I try to resist the urge to text him, call him, and email him. Every time we meet, after we have sex, he starts sending me texts about how great he feels, how he wants more, etc. He evens talks about going away for an overnight trip somewhere. I don't know how to interpret his behavior? I think if it's NSA, we shouldn't talk on a somewhat regular basis, it should just be sex and that's it.

How do I not get attached to him? It's very hard, because I'm attracted to him physically and emotionally. We have a great time together. He is 13 years older than me, if that makes a difference.

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A male reader, ISOHaven United States +, writes (24 February 2009):

It sounds like you went down a road you didn't want to go down. But guess what? You're there none the less.

Do you think you might be changing your mind about NSA? Do you think he is? Anyone here can only guess what your man is thinking and the only way to figure out what he's thinking "for sure" is to talk to him.

Be honest with him. Tell him you screwed up your original plan and you are starting to think about him more and more. Don't do the typical "round about" series of questions with him trying to get his feelings out first. Be up front. Lay it on the table for him first. Make the conversation easy, adult and honest. It will only be as complicated as you make it. It is what it is = BS! Everything IS exactly what YOU make it.

As for you trying to not get attached to him. You can't fool the heart. To cut that cord you need to cut interaction with him.

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A female reader, UnfinishedSymphony  +, writes (24 February 2009):

UnfinishedSymphony agony auntThis is very bizarre. Your dilemma seems to be the complete reflection of mine; word for word perfect. NSA has the whole laid-back, remain cool, easy and drama-free vibe going on-which for someone who doesn't have "relationship" necessarily on their agenda can be very appealing. NSA in my experience never (I stress the never) remains constant. Its just a matter of time before things go downhill or uphill. Sweet or sour.

No one can deny you don't have feelings for him. Everyone reading this and yourself know that for a fact. Ask yourself this though...

Is it lust, comfortability or love?

In my opinion you should go for it. Don't let the transition between NSA and true fondness/beginning of a relationship happen to sudden though. Trust your instinct babe. Men aren't all rocket science. Do you notice him opening up to you more, being genuinely interested about how your doing, cuddling you after sex....or is he merely just acting like a sex-talking rampant rabbit? I'm sure you'll know soon whether or not he feels the same way as you on the whole thing.

If you actually get to the stage where its remained NSA and hes not giving you any clues hes for more than NSA. Just talk to him. Ask him if hes happy with how things are going between you both? Like I said NSA isn't a permanent thing...and why not? At the end of the day put your foot down. I doubt someone with strong feelings for someone could happily settle for NSA at the end of the day.

Good luck

x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009):

well to me (im only 15 lol) i wud say that it seems that he likes you, but make sure that it is not only for the sex. If you feel the urge to txt him, i would say txt him and tell him how you feel. Honesty is always the best policy and at least if you talk it out you can know what he is thinking.

If you dont want to be attracted to him, ask yourself y? I you cannot come up with a good answer yourself i suggest you talk it over with him.

Just because i am 15 dnt respect my answer any less please

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