A
female
age
30-35,
*onfused365
writes:Hi guys and girls. I've used this site in the past years from time to time and now I'm back at rock bottom I guess. I've been cheated on with my last 2 boyfriends in 2010 and 2011 and turned rather obsessive in the last one. Now I finally decided to try dating again but unfortunately, 2 months into the relationship I became pregnant and obviously I don't want to keep it. He became rather angry and left when I said I wanted an abortion. Now, I was going over to my sister today and I gave him a ride because he wanted to see his friend. I dropped him off at the parking lot and decided to drive away for a minute and then come back. I saw him walking with a woman.. I got the same jealous feelings I had back then. Anyway, I was watching carefully across the parking lot and they went in her car and started their 'act' (kissing and all of that).. I confronted him and he just acted innocent saying I'm weird and stuff. What I really want to know is.. How do I move on quicker? It took me 2 years last time.. And what should I do now? I feel horrible once again.. Please help me!
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (4 August 2013):
 Meant to say *who cheat (not you cheat).
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (4 August 2013):
Hi OP,
Have you already had the abortion? If yes, then you can move on by stopping all contact with him. So, no more giving him rides, no more anything. No more contact at all. Going no contact does help get things into perspective, and will help realise he wasn't the right one for you. And no snooping on facebook or other obsessive behaviours! Then, well it takes time to get over it, but you've done it before and lived to tell the tale and you'll be able to do it again.
If you haven't had the abortion, and if this is what's keeping a tie between you and him, it's a more complicated situation. I can only offer sympathy while you decide what's best for you (going through with and unwanted pregnancy to keep this guy interested would obviously not be right).
As for feeling healthier in relationships... I understand. Life is so much easier and less lonely as part of a couple ... or at least it can seem that way. But if you're always drawn to the bad boy types you cheat (or they're drawn to you - maybe see some vulnerabliity in you that makes them think they could get away with cheating) - it might be time to take a break from men, be single (though it's less comfortable) and build yourself up as a stronger person with a higher level of self esteem, self respect, etc. This will improve you as a person but will also mean you attract better, nicer men in the future.
All the best x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2013): I agree, focus on your career, goals & yourself. You'll be too busy to date such losers and naturally, as you better yourself, your standards will increase. Make wiser decisions in what you do with your life, who you associate yourself with, what men you date & how you protect your body. I'm not shifting all the blame on you, obviously. But, if there is a pattern going on, you need to reflect on yourself, your decisions & the men you chose to date. You're young, focus on yourself.
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A
female
reader, Confused365 +, writes (4 August 2013):
Confused365 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey and thanks for the answer.
I'm not proud of having unprotected sex with him but it just happened.
Regarding the 'try living single'.. I've done that for two years and frankly I feel healthier while in a relationship, but it always ends bad which makes feel worse in the end.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2013): You can't move on any sooner than your mind will allow you to.
There are ways to distract your mind and to take your focus off your pain. First, you have a decision to make; and obviously; it's your body and up to you.
There isn't any way to move on sooner; if you're pregnant and the baby's daddy is an A-hole. You set the stage for all this drama. Decide what to do about the pregnancy, then everything else will fall into place.
You've been too busy chasing after men, and not working on yourself. You should be obtaining an education, working toward some sort of career goal, and planning your future.
Boost your self-esteem and confidence, and up your standards in men. That comes with taking care of yourself. Setting life-goals, and meeting them. You wouldn't have time for all the drama you've been experiencing over the past three years.
You spend all your time making bad decisions. You're lucky you only got pregnant; and didn't get HIV, or an STD.
If you were having protected-sex, you would lower the risk of pregnancy or an STD. Thus, eliminating hard decisions what to do about a pregnancy for a poorly-chosen boyfriend.
There are always red-flags. They don't just happen again and again. It's the type you go for; because you lower your standards out of low self-esteem. You don't need a man, and you don't always have to be in a relationship.
You are a whole person. Not a half person looking for another to make you whole. Try living single, and see what it feels like not to have a jackass driving you nuts.
If boyfriends always cheat on you, then back off having one.
Just enjoy being single, and dating men for fun. Try not having sex until you know what type of guy he is, and how he feels about you. That will reduce the risk of heart-break, and winding up with a loser or a cheat. Use condoms.
Cheaters spread disease.
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