A
female
age
30-35,
*Mia
writes:This is my first post. I feel as if I have no where else to turn. A little over a month ago, I was dumped. We were together for a year and 4 months. I did not see the breakup coming.. His reasoning for the breakup was that he feels as if we have nothing in common and that he changed. I understand that, people always change and with that their interest changes. I have tried no contact, but he will message me on Facebook or he'll text me. I managed to ignore him for a couple days but I eventually cave in and tell him that I cannot be friends with him right now. I have told him this a good 6-7 times. He then will tell me he understands but then a couple weeks go by and he'll message me again. I am having a horrible time dealing with this. It's almost been two months and I miss him more that words can describe. The memories are also making it very hard for me to move on, but I don't know how to stop them. I feel as if I wont move on from him. I do believe that he was my first love. It hurts me to think that the person I once knew, is gone and is not coming back. I feel like I won't feel like this towards anyone again.I am also now thinking of him with someone else, and it kills me. I'm trying to prepare myself for this but I don't know how. I know that when he does get in a relationship I am going to be completely devastated. How do I accept this?My heart feels heavy, as if I have a boulder on it and it's not getting better. I am still crying after almost 2 months while he has moved on from me. I don't know how to deal with this pain anymore. Will this pain ever leave? Have you ever experienced this? Does it get better? I have never been this torn up after a breakup. When will I see the light? :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2013): I would never say this but if men can go to Vegas and hook up with the ladies of the night legally so should you be able to go down and have a couple of good romantic encounters . Good-luck.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (16 May 2013):
 You will get through this I promise : ) your first love will take a while to get over, and I know this isnt what you want to hear but you may well be upset and crying over it for another 3 or 4 months to come!
Time is a great healer, but it doesnt work quickly unfortunately - 2 months is only 8 weeks, and having split up with someone 8 weeks ago is not very long at all so it is perfectly normal to still feel sad.
We cant tell you when you will start to feel better I'm afraid, it could be next week or it could be next year - it varies based on the individual.
But there are some things you can do to help take your mind off the break up and will help with the moving on process.
1. BLOCK HIM. I know this is harsh, and you might think its a bit extreme, but DO NOT allow him to contact you anymore. You have told him that you cant be friends right now but he is showing his complete lack of care about you by messaging you, so you need to block him. Block him on Facebook, block him on any other social networking sites etc so there is no way for him to get in touch. If he starts to contact you on your phone, then call your service provider and get them to block him from contacting you. He is being very disrespectful, he was the one that ended it and you have told him that you are too hurt to be friends so if he had an ounce of respect for you he wouldnt contact you - but he is just being a selfish pig and is enjoying drawing out the pain for you. Dont feel like you owe him anything or should be in touch with him, he chose to end it therefore he chose to lose you from his life.
2. Hobbies. I know this is a bit lame, and you wont feel like doing much apart from moping around in your bedroom, but drag yourself out and do something new. Do something you have always wanted to do, do something you used to love when you were younger....break-ups are all about keeping yourself busy to help take your mind off the pain.
3. Volunteering. This is along the same theme as above - keeping busy. Volunteering for a charity or good cause will make you feel loads better about yourself and about life, it will distract you from being hurt and it will give you perspective on your life. If you see how much others are struggling and some of the negative things in the world, it will soon make you realise that this break up is not the end of the world and actually you have quite a good life.
4. Get a makeover. Again another lame one, but you will be amazed how much better you will feel when you've got some new clothes and maybe a new hairstyle or makeup. Some people might criticise and say you should only care about whats inside etc, but we all know that is nonsense and we all like to look good, it makes us feel better! So take yourself out shopping, get some new clothes and give yourself a bit of a makeover. If you fancy a change of hairstyle now is the perfect time to do it, or if you want to experiment with new make up then go for it. Giving yourself a new look after a break up will make you feel like you are having a fresh start after the relationship and will help you feel more like yourself again, rather than 1 half of a couple.
Most of all - be patient and accept that you will feel pretty crappy for a while. Dont rush yourself into feeling better, its ok to feel rubbish and this is normal.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (16 May 2013):
 Hi, losing your first love is hard but impossible to get over. He is not worth it, why have you not unfriend him in FaceBook and blocked his number.
You need to be strong and let him go. He is a roal piece of work that cant even respect your wish to maintain no contact.
You need to stary going out with friends and have fun. Keep busy and I promise you think less and less of him BUT it takes time.
Start gyming and focus on yourself, when you see him ignore him and also dont think about him being with someone else as it is no healthy.
You need to want the pain to stop so badly that you got to learn to start living and be happy - you owe it to yourself. Dont cry and feel sorry for yourself because he is not worth it. You will meet someone but you got to open and ready to love, you will know when you are ready.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (16 May 2013):
The pain will leave, yes. And yes, I have felt like this and so have most other people so we all understand where you are at right now. It really is just a question of time passing, and you keeping yourself busy and socialising and your mind distracted until your feelings become less raw.
Please believe me, it will get better!
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