A
female
age
51-59,
*hippy2
writes:I had been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs and we have now been apart 2 yrs. He started seeing someone else when I became more independent and my mom was dying.Anyway, he is still with the woman he cheated on me with. I know he is a drug-addicted narcissist. AND thru much therapy I know we were not a healthy match.I have a PFA against him because he is emotionally abusive as in manipulative. He has very low self-esteem and tells me things to make me feel behind. Anyay, stupid me txt him just a few moments ago. Not to get back together - just to say hello.He had to tell me how funny - another gf had txt him yesterday to get back 2gether and he told her NO too.Aaaarrghhh! He says he is with a steady gf now. That they have good news and he will call me later.I dont want to know whatever his good new is. Do I?He always lies and makes it seem he and she are special - but I doubt it is any different than when he and I were together - and I know he treated his x-wife the same and the lady who called him yesterday.What is with him and what is with me? I have been in therapy TOO long now over this. My phychologist says he is a drug-addicted narcissist who will always lie and I am a neurotic who will always want to please. It tough cause I live 5 houses down from him. And know his schedule to know when he is home and such. I have tried dating others or not at all. HOW DO I BREAK THE BAD SPELL THIS MAN HAS ON ME????? I am a tortured individual.What do I say or txt when he calls with his GOOD news?[Mod note: Added from the later submission]Oh NO! I just found out my xbf and his new gf(fiancee) are pregnant and supposedly gonna get married.I am sick about it - I know it has nothing to do with me cause he is a narcissist that talks out his ass. But, I am embarrased cause we live in a small town and it makes me feel like I was not good enough.I know that is a flawed thought cause I was good enough to see that it was not a good relationship for me to be in.Please give some advice... How can I let this not bother me - He lives close by and even said when the baby comes I may see him with the stroller going by my house!!!!!Aaaarrrghh I am in therapy for being bi-polar, having severe depression and anxiety and histrionic personality disorder. So I feel like I have been abandoned and could never do enough - which in my head I know is not true.
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cheated on me, emotionally abusive, get back together, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 March 2011):
 Hi Chippy, sorry to see you here posting with this, it makes me sad for you that you are having trouble putting your life back together after him.
I am happy to hear that you are actively in therapy and have some diagnoses; if you know what you have, then you can formulate a plan to fight it.
First of all, have you made a call to your therapist? Do that FIRST THING, before anything.
That being taken care of, let's talk about what you have learned in therapy, and what you are doing to sabotage yourself.
You have a PFA and you go ahead and TEXT HIM? That's self-destructive behavior right there. You can't undo the text but do not text him again. You are violating your own order against him. This is really not good.
I see in another post that you are now involved with a married man. Chippy, you seem to create your own drama and chaos. You actively do things to mess up your own life.
Why do you do that? What have you learned from your therapist?
What steps do you need to take to find some sort of sane place for yourself? Maybe you need to relocate and find a new place to live, so you aren't living in your chaotic and ugly past?
You know the difference between your emotions/irrational thoughts and the reality of things. So what do you do, today, right now, to reestablish your composure and not allow your irrational side to run your life?
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 March 2011):
 Can you move further away?
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (10 March 2011):
 I'm not sure how what kind of advice to give you. You pose questions, but then you answer them yourself. You know full well what is going on in your situation and you are seeing a mental health professional to boot. What more can we here add?
We cannot wave a magic wand and make your bad feelings go away. You know this man is manipulative. You have a choice as to engage in his game playing or not. My advice is, if you really want to feel better, not to get in these mind games with him. The rest, your emotions and such, should be worked through in therapy. That is what it is for.
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