A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Lived with my boyfriend for 4 years. When we started dating, he was dating someone else and lied about it. Didn't come clean until she burst his bubble. I did something before him that I am ashamed of. I slept with a married man and denied it. That was 5 years ago. We moved on and I have been nothing but completely loyal and faithful to him. Things had been wonderful. This past weekend i made a comment that brought all these memories back and he took it upon himself to search the guy out, I mean addresses, Intellius searches, people searches. He found where he lived, wrote addresses down, etc (5 years later) and ask him what really happend to which he admitted there was an affair. This relationship was before him, but he did ask and I did lie. He told me his decision was that he wanted me to leave because I was a liar and he did talk to the guy. I'm not planning to stay or beg for his forgivness. In fact I'm apartment searching now. I just need some advice on how to move on from here. I was not the only liar in the relationship. He lied about dating this other woman, he lied about contacting her recently. Only admited it when he was busted. I just need and want to move on with my life. Now I'm reliving the guilt and shame that i experience 5 years ago. I hate myself and feel like a horrible person. He already had issues with my past but this one took the cake. I have no plans on begging him to stay with me because it's all downhill from here. Please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): "I hate myself and feel like a horrible person."Go see a counselor, work on your issues. Clearly this guy you are with has issues that go far beyond, and he doesn't trust women because he has cheated.That is the real problem here, he got caught cheating, but you got caught in a lie about your past. What happened then is that he doesn't trust you any more and became obsessed with it because of his cheating past."He lied about dating this other woman, he lied about contacting her recently."You can't fix him, make that clear to yourself. Move on, get professional help, you will be able to work on yourself and go on and have a good life with good relationships if you do this. Don't get into a new relationship without first working hard for several months to manage how you deal with relationships.In short, make sure that you understand yourself first before you try to understand another person.
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