| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I posted before but for those who didn't read it... here is my storyLate 2013 I moved abroad with my boyfriend. I had met him out there travelling and he came back with me to our home country(both from england), but we decided to move back out there to live. We had ups and downs but I thought we were quite happy together still, or at least that's what I told myself at the time. But let me remind....years ago, and I mean years ago, I got chatting to this guy online, we formed a friendship and developed feelings for each other, but he was with someone and we never thought or had intentions of meeting so we just kept in touch via email and eventually we stopped emailing all together. He had been on my mind from time to time even though we weren't in touch and he was getting on with his life and I was getting on with mine. I actually lost touch with him at the time i met my boyfriend travelling. Here's the thing, this other guy lives in the country i travelled to and met my boyfriend in, and in the same place we moved to when we went out there the second time. Looking back it seemed silly to move to that city of all the places we could go to but we had our own reasons and at the time although he crossed my mind i had never intended to meet him or anything.So my boyfriend and I said our goodbyes and moved abroad and to this town to start building a life.After a few weeks curiosity got the better of me and I got back in touch with this other guy. My boyfriend didn't know. after exchanging some emails i agreed to meet him, i knew what he looked like from exchanging photos before. He was exactly as he come across online and better, my feelings for him resurfaced. I knew then what I was doing was wrong, but seeing him was making me happy, we carried on meeting and eventually it lead to us sleeping together, even though we are both with other people. We knew it was wrong and it kept going for a month or so. I knew i was and am in love with him, and he felt the same. things weren't going well with my boyfriend and obviously cheating on him was making things a whole lot worse. He went to work away and during this time I realised I needed to stop this. To stop seeing them both. It was a very very painful decision and it was really hard saying gooddbye to the other guy when i had just got him in my life but i knew if i didn't end it we'd have got caught and the outcome could have been so much worse. I broke up with my boyfriend, I didn't tell him about the other guy but i gave him the other reasons, I realised i had fallen out of love with him.I jumped on the plane back home, after saying my goodbyes to the other guy, we both cried, but we both agreed it was for the best. We said we could keep in touch via email again.I'm back home now with my family and no one knows about the affair except for one close friend. Everyone expects me to be ok because they just think i broke up with my boyfriend but i'm struggling each day because im feeling guilty about what I did to my now ex boyfriend, and i miss the other guy terribly. I've heard my ex isn't in a good way and i'm feeling awful. i know i did the right thing but i don't know how to get over this.
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a break, affair, broke up, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (19 March 2014):
 I think you handled it well.
You chose for integrity before getting caught, that says something about you.
This is going to sound wierd.
I believe in female intuation.
I believe your ex was cheating.
I believe your soul knew this and that's why you did it.
I don't know why I believe this, except that, from what I can tell, you were acting out of character here...
I believe you also know you deserve to be more than the OW to your fling guy.
This, my dear, is going to take time. The only way out is through.
Excuse the wierdness of my post.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (19 March 2014):
 AS I was reading your submittal, I kept hearing Gene Pitney in my head, singing "It Hurts to be in Love"... over and over.....
I think you know that the only sensible - and honorable - thing you can do is distance yourself from BOTH of these guys.... and get on with your life.
Covet the many pleasant and enjoyable memories you have from your time spent with each of them... but realize that life is a continuous clock.... and you can't turn it back.
Good luck...
...............................
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