A
female
age
36-40,
*lifton
writes:I just ended a two year relationship. It wasn't what I wanted in my heart, but I was being treated very unfairly and I felt I had no choice in the matter. It was really unhealthy and filled with so many problems and heart ache. I've tried to end it a few times, but they always knew just what to say to keep me around. Always promised the world to me but left it at empty promises. The words were all I ever received, but never any real action to back up what they were saying. This has been a consistent issue throughout the history of our entire relationship. I have made all the real sacrifices and effort when it really came down to it. And I have finally just had enough. If I could have it any way at all, it would be for them to just make me feel loved and show effort, rather than like crap all the time. And I have tried in every possible manner to rationally explain this, and given every opportunity for change, and I get promise after promise that it will stop. But within a day it's right back to me feeling like crap again. So it's apparent to me now that it just won't change. And it's over little things that should come naturally in a relationship. We made plans together one night this week and they got drunk and blew me off. Tonight they're going out of town for the weekend, and I was driving there to say goodbye really quick, and they made a string of really rude, hurtful comments that made me feel like an annoyance more so than someone they love. So i turned around and headed home and told them I was no longer coming. And rather than saying I'm so sorry, I really messed up, I was rude to you and I regret it, etc, it becomes "wow, well ok fine then, go home." Always a victim attitude where I don't have the right to feel how I feel and I'M in the wrong, even though I know that I'm not. That it's me who has the problem. And then within a day we will be right back to talking because I love them, and just over look it or come up with excuses for them. And I wind up saying saying "just please don't do that anymore." And them saying "I promise I won't and I love you." And then it happens again. It's such a cycle. But they make me feel like I'm always making the wrong choice when I say I'm going to leave. Why would anyone treat someone that way? Like their emotions seem to scream I don't want to be with you, but have their words insist they do? Not to mention when I called tonight and told them I was done and we were over, they just said "ok, well have a good weekend" in a cheery voice and hung up. I swear they're crazy, and I feel crazy for putting up with it.Anyway, please help me to figure out ways to try to best move on and not go back. I feel so weak these days and I just need someone to tell me to just do it and stop letting them make me feel like I made the wrong decision. Isn't it true that when you love someone, you should never make them feel this way? Please, help.
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female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 This is very interesting that you used the Plural pronoun for one RS. Are there others or maybe is there a man in your head that hates you?You could read the book "Dances with the Selves"Very interestingAlso look up AssClown for important information on who this jerk really is.You're going to grow now HUGE, because you're asking the right questions. No more AssClowns for you, it's your time. Rah.. Booya...
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 April 2011):
llifton is verified as being by the original poster of the question haha i used my pronouns (or whatever that is) incorrectly. this article is only pertaining to one individual not multiple. my fault.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2011): Very wise decision in ending this! This became very toxic and emotionally draining! I could tell by just the way you wrote that! recovering from these types of relationships takes patience. It really does. I ended one with an alcoholic back in 09 and that was like lifting a huge weight off my shoulders but at the same time I felt so tired and exhausted. Believe me cutting people out of your life who add no benefit to it will aid you in the long run and help a ton. You will each day feel better I guarantee that. Think of it like this: You screwed up on a bad term paper and got frustrated and threw the rascal into the garbage all crumpled up. You later come to your senses that you can do better, so you take it back out and uncrumple it and begin writing something better and perhaps fresh. Each day that passes is a day in which your paper uncrumples a little more and you getting closer to writing a new and fresh piece of a chapter in your life with a grown and experienced YOU. Best on this! :)
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A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (2 April 2011):
"Isn't it true that when you love someone, you should never make them feel this way? Please, help."Just answer this question. Who are they? You talk about THEM and not HIM. What's all about it?Girl, I really don't have that much experience. I just have 1 girlfriend [4 years]. But sounds like they aren't very trustworthy. It appears to me like if they have been abusing you, either physically or mentally. This kind of mind tricks are technically abuse, just for your information.Listen, abusive relationships ARE VERY DAMAGING. You loose your self worth, you loose the sense of who you are. You get to think you are crazy. You get to think its all your fault if things aren't working. WELL NO! It takes TWO (in your case THREE ) for a tango and a relationship. You don't have to stand all that BLLSHT. Listen, I know that deep within those layers of mistreatment, there is a wonderful and valuable woman, that just needs the right environment to flourish. RUN TO THE HILLS [I love that song]. Run and never turn around. Things Will get better. You need to regain your strength, you need to find yourself again. If you are afraid of being lonely, think again. There are plenty of good guys out there who will take good care of you and your needs, and will really appreciate your affection. Basically, they are using reverse psychology on you. Its very obvious. "ok, well have a good weekend" is to make you suffer, and to make them seem as if they don't need you at all.Please, do yourself a favor and cut any links with these guys. Seriously.Normal, healthy relationships DO NOT work like that. You deserve something better than this.I wish you very good luck in your decisions!
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